A meaning to one

I realized that my existential thoughts were wrong I put myself out there and got my stolen apparently sharing thoughts is a cornucopia of dangers to your heart. My life is short and I now know like things in the past life is devastating and it is a boundless state of sadness. I have so much to share so much to give and it's just not enough. The most pain is the silence a defining one was messaging like a message in a bottle sent and received the bottle is broken the message is shredded and soaked its toping message is gone disseminated in the vastness of the oceans past. It just doesn’t matter what the message is or if your hoping for it to mean something it surprises you that the meaning was without a meaning at all. Your hopes to impart thus your naked and alone and left in the dark. Nothing seems to matter anymore its relentless shame that you have felt an imparting of the heart. I was alone and still will be probably until my life has ended and I am under the earth or burnt like toast. I tell myself I am sorry for sending a message but being alone and without a special someone to share life can give you stress wholey alone. Life doesn’t seem to have a meaning its just so cold. I am alone again trying to forget the past and protect my future. But it's all a lie I tell myself what makes you shatteringly strong and I hurt myself along the way. It's as though you are walking on the glass that was from the broken bottle delving deep into your foot like a battered soul. I see a glimmer of hope and an aspiration that will make me feel great, warm and happy. I would and have given a life to my hearts work and nothing but ancient ruins exist from all of the goodness I have given to so many. So many say life is about love and caring but yet to find these allusive fairy tales these conditions are like finding the building blocks of the universe. So I write to relive the pain that ills me. Funny how a broken heart can leave an impression and illness that kills. I just don’t want to die in a heartache again…you can give to where your life is slow and a faithful killer do I say forget what I have said and let me go away. Please take those feelings and loose them all in time, with difficulty and possibility, let my meaning back in without that deep pain... Although within my pain I have sprouted growing buds I never had before... I have found amazement and sovereignty I look for the wonder in life the basic essence and the most power in life is of course love. I now look for the wealth of what we do as humans to share our intelligence our reciprocity  and the gifts we give that we have no understanding no glimmer but even the most twisted effort can be conceived as a gift, a treasure we bestow on another its twisted but can be so...So we begin in earnest to elevate our lives to one another no matter how awful we find actions that bring brevity tenuously at most we are done. Tragedy bring a whirlwind of emotions some good some bad all and all emotions to which we can no longer abscond only to blume knowing our end all in all a divergence we can not devoid. Be in peace be it war we can only impart with one host that is love. We can only bequest true love of this life when we give into our hearts the love we must impart. Life living love and one its over and done.