Blameful Me

This would be the first time for me to write again,

 Since the time we're still happy and feels no pain.

 Everything went so broke and unclear,

 And causes each sides a very much unfair.

 

I admit these are all happening because of me.

The sudden discission and hurtful actions that leads my way,

The rejections, avoids and etc.

A heartfelt apology to you I offer from my deepest intimacy.

 

I tried many times to start again,

I tried many times to stand against the hurt and pain,

I tried, I tried, I tried but nothing I gain,

Only sufferings and cuts were what I obtain.

 

I've been kneeling to Him praying and crying,

For greatest comfort, fellowship and healing,

For inner peace, direction and leading

But why? my love for you still remains and unfading.

 

How can I start again?

How can I lessen the pain?

For how many times I will be suffering?

Knowing that even in my surrenders, the trust and love for you still remaining.

 

Oh what a consequences I have,

Hurt and drawn by my own actions and carve.

Sinking and drawning by my own doing,

leads uncontrollable tears and silent crying.

 

You doubted? So do I

I also didn't  understand myself but only tears and cry .

Overthinkings that hurt's me deeply,

Causes fears and weaknesses that's killing me softly.

 

Before, I really thought I can stand,

I have the feeling that I really can,

But the more days pass and came,

Regrets were all I felt which lead myself in shame.

 

Such a blameful me!

Never tried to fix but gave up easily!

My beloved, i regretted it all,

I love you from the deepest part of my soul.