Painfully

I fell asleep yesterday and saw god. 

What a joke. Of course I’m joking, can’t you see that?

The fuck’s my god at?

Don’t say he lives in my future, I drowned in sand in my dream.

It didn’t feel like anything.

Shit, shit, shit and I’m wallowing in it, spouting it and choking on fresh air

I danced on a railing, prancing like bitches do for levity.

Ya. How’s it feel?

Fluff in my dreams, my mom smiled at me in front of that mottled-yellow washing machine. 

I cried. An arcade machine, we didn’t win anything. She gave me a plate of fruit— grapes, wrinkled and drying.

It didn’t happen.

Won’t you believe me?

I sank, and sank, and sank, and that useless, useless god of mine; didn’t show up.

A monster. What beast is this obsolete?

A monster. At least the devil fulfils his deal. At least he lies.

My god, my god, oh my god

I’ll fucking believe you, the day you appear in front of me.

Oh, it’s a pain

Tragic, suffering, disgusting.

Ha!

O’ my dear! Lament, and tremble. Soliloquy, elegy, sing.

This is not how it feels like.

It’s disgusting.

Use a thesaurus, I’m too tired to think. 

All I know is that it is a pain, a pain, a pain painfully pain paining my pain, a pain

A pain that is all too real

And something

All too invisible.