Birthday Blues

Now is the time for a long term relationship.
I declare my intentions online
Tazmin comes through. She’s just come out of a ten-year relationship.
She could be the one.
Okay, she’s just come out of prison after ten years. Caught the boyfriend cheating on her.
Okay ,Tazmin, get back to you.
Right, Chantelle has split from her long time lover Rosie. She wants to try something new. But I need to get a sex change.
Don’t know if that’s lesbian humour or not.
Message from Candy. Get a life, dipshit.
I just know she’s the one, but I’m not lowering myself to that level just yet.
Tina. Fucking hate men.
You don’t know me, Tina.
You’re a man, that’s enough.
Any sensible women out there.
Madge, I’m 84 looking for a relationship. My last lover died on the job.
Madge. For fuck sakes, take up knitting.
Listen up you lot, it’s not my problem  you can’t keep your men, or women.
Okay, maybe shouldn’t have said that.
You fuck face. Followed by, I’ll stick the knitting needles where the sun don’t shine. I’ll do another ten years for you.  Oh, and. Faggot tossing bastard.
What the hell happened to the gentle sex.
This was not how I expected things to turn out.
Let's get back to basics
Any of you lot want to go out tonight and get pissed, have unprotected sex. I’m paying.
Computer’s going nuts now.
I’m in.  You’re the man. Why didn’t you just say that the first time?
Dipshit, can I bring a friend.
Happy birthday Paul.