To my brother

If I could be all at once I'd be your joy

And my own sorrow.

Two shadows dancing in harmony.

I'd become powerless while being your safe place.

I'd protect the ones here and now with a gentle conviction that the road forward is real and safe.

Under my mask, the mask of a strong man.

The mask that orders a well known production.

At the same time I'd be lost in chaotic beauty with the ones far away.

With wondrous eyes and a devilish grin I'd fly through the places nobody sees except the outcasts.

You'd feel me approach as I disappeared.

You could follow but rest assured there is no well known production here, in the heart of life, the place of the outcasts.

Two shadows dancing in harmony....

Now one is truly a shadow, the one I admired most, the one that knew the mask of a strong man is truly only a mask .

I pray that this phantom guide me always, to keep me in the heart of life, the place of outcasts.

I cannot teach this phantom when I only see concepts, he knows the wind and the rain. He knows the pulse in the veins and loves life's pain, he knows the real joy behind it, with no fear.

Yet I saw him unmoving, so still and silent, between our worlds.

Seeing him I felt as crushed as he, I wanted to share your silence and jump into your stillness.

How could my wild phantom not welcome me or even notice me?

That decorated flesh so familiar and alive with life's heart only remains still.

This pain completed your teaching to me and that is-

"Don't wait to become whole Jess, you're already there brother"

I love you Ben. Thank you for accepting me when I couldn't accept either of us.