Drained.

I am filled with sadness in every moment of my life. Every beating second of my heart. It's painful.

It's so painful to be literally trapped in this sadness, wishing it would just go away and find that it is not so easy. 

My heart hurts. I want to be rid of it.

Stupid sadness consumes every second of my life. Every inch of my body. 

It drains me every day. 

I can only drag my weight around. I force myself to leave, to speak, to engage. To conversate with people; to meet their eyes. 

It is so draining to meet their judgmental eyes. 

I despise myself for using my energy on something useful, something better when I need it to force myself to continue.

It takes more of me to face my fears than for people to eat at them.

I hate my skin. I want to love. I want to cherish the person that I am and the person that I have yet to be, but I can only feel different.

And different is not so bad, but I can only think of it as such.