What I Knew I Had 

Christ



 

It was the palm of your hand in mine, 

the tender tingles it sent through my arm,

 the look in your eyes 

Screaming

 the fact

 that 

you 

loved 

Yet, I only felt it on the arm, nowhere else.

I had only felt exposed to the parts you touched, though 

You had all the keys

You had my blood on your pink hands, and I didn’t even care

More, I didn’t notice such a thing

And 

Neither 

Did you. 

It was how you could make me reverse in personality,

The way I submitted just as easily as I dominated, ruling both sides.

And it was the fact that you made it feel a lot more than it actually was, in retrospect, anyway.

But you weren’t all the bad. The man I loved wasn’t terrible, actually.

I don’t know who you are.

But why did you decide to take him from me? 

What had I committed?

I miss him. The one you had taken.

 My love.

 I don’t know where he left to, 

And still to this day 

I wonder why

 he decided to become a tourist without me 

And leave his body behind. 

Such a tender and tragic story, I’m sure.

But I blame it on the person who has taken over you, 

My love. 

It could be me mourning you, 

It could. 

But it shouldn’t, because I don’t mourn.

I take myself with you. 

And I may be gone as well, 

I think I’m close to figuring it out,

 darling. 

It seems that I shall 

eternally be missing you,

But when summer comes close 

that I shall allow myself to weep,

For it is the day

 I’ve found you missing.

I won’t cry, 

I won’t sob,

 I won’t rain until dry. 

Not for you

 not for me

 not for him

 It isn’t such a tragedy as it seems, as you breathe and live into the day of April 1st

You aren’t dead, but it is very much a certainty that I may as well not see you 

Ever again. 

My love, I feel as if I’m lost

I still feel like I can reach towards your hollow body, 

As I do not see myself in my mirrors 

They all reflect 

you. 

But I realize with each sharp shard of pain, 

That he’ll back away, which is so unlike you.

Normally, I think that you

 secretly couldn’t of waited

 to have your hands on me. 

Dearest, do you realize how hard it is

To miss the good memories I have 

Without missing you?

Somewhere, somehow, you were always in the frame

Whether the shadow of our pictures being taken,

Or in the windows of my eyes everytime I needed my daily eyeful of you.



  • Author: Christ(a) (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 10th, 2022 15:39
  • Comment from author about the poem: This is a personal poem of mine, talking about how I loved someone to whom I consumed my senses to, and now that we have parted, the man I loved is now gone. And now I have only but the memories I miss despite that he did in fact hurt me and left me for another. I also apologize if this poem is too long for some people, but one thing led to another and I started writing a lot more than I anticipated.
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 13
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Comments +

Comments1

  • shaa

    Enjoyed how it started got lost somewhere in between think I'll have to re-read it

    • Christ

      my poems can be confusing, I apologize for your confusion. but I'm glad it gave you some type of enjoyment. I could help you understand what specific parts mean so that it could help you comprehend it better. Just message me or ask me in the comments 🙂



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