The figurative nail hit on the hirsute covered head!

Eventually vices will witness me crow king

cough'n affliction caw hearse courtesy

smok'n since me yay high,
hence appellation (mountain) wheezer

natural set of adult teeth (rotten to the core)
easily plucked out courtesy tweezer,
this har nonestablishmentarian,

never prevaricator nor crowd pleaser,

whose barreled chest attests quantity

maximum grog, which equals capacity of keezer,
or analogous to quaffing

amount stout beer downed by yours truly

(rough estimation by dickens)

equivalent to hinted wealth of Ebenezer
Scrooge, who could hypothetically

purchase abundant amount of ale.

Above fabrication nonsense yay
figurative hook to grab attention my way

ain't one applicable factual word written,

cuz I take poetic license
with no intended off fence touché

harmless figurative foil

as usual trademark innocent word play

geezer who sports brown golden locks

employs good humor as keyway
to unlock mine mindscape entranceway.

After posting poem comb what may,
drink'n like vichyssoise floundering fiend,
I reluctantly brush aside

male pattern baldness without dismay,

cuz patrilineal genetic trait

shows no happy shiny pate
rather paternal ancestry

somewhat thick with strands

turning sixty plus shades of gray.

The following recounts true account

one hundred purse cent

actual bonafide certifiable event
attested to courtesy one germane gent
badinage represents laughable intent

as he deeply inhales cigarette brand Kent.

Though no physician,
this aging baby boomer
former long haired pencil necked geek
absolutely, intuitively, erroneously, and
unequivocally sensed hair loss (mine),
at first a speculative rumor
not simply rooted in my (ahem) head,
no matter a minimalist groomer

nevertheless, thinning follicles,
upon dawning realization, sans medical
sought relief thru good humor,
though within this balding cerebral noggin
became repulsive as if my scalp
pulled pate rendered as a tumor.

Thus an unexpectedly present surprise

when in private consultation in the guise
as out patient client (early afternoon
December 19th, 2018),
where I did fraternize
and kibitz with the medical assistant

(old enough to be my...sister),
aye did exercise

mild mannered mien mean, aye do patronize
before doctor Rudolf (dearly
reigned) Roth, a practicing
Dermatologist told me no lies

his instant karma knowledge - mainly his
thirty seven years expertise
sought to excise
a prominent non cancerous mole approximately
centered middle of back
a small patch of skin,

he needed to anesthetize
nonetheless, a reassuring persona,
yours truly did lionize
(not merely, cuz

he received a five star rating,
specialist under auspices

of Penn, Medicine)
in Radnor Pennsylvania),
his modest calm did neutralize
any uneasiness, as did his pronounced
humility earn kudos to idolize

such rarely present gentility, and

unwitting capacity did harmonize,
and maximize significance to me,
asper my thinning limp
hair logically rationalize

identified underactive thyroid gland

(hypothyroidism) tubby,
which didst legitimize
no hair brained rooted concern,
hence...less reason to catastrophize',
which for no reason I
wanted to mildly emphasize,
hence choice to apostrophize...