Dear Ana

Dear Ana,

We’ve been best friends since the 7th grade. 

I met you in October and became obsessed with you in November.

I feel like we spend more time with each other every day.

I love the way you celebrate when I lose a pound…

Or consume nothing at all for an entire day.

It feels so good watching you smile after I successfully skip breakfast and lunch.

You celebrate when I complete a 500 calorie workout…

Even though I haven’t had anything to eat today.

You tell when and what to eat, 

Making me feel shitty when I don’t listen to you.

You force me to throw up when I don't do what you want.

And you make me take laxatives and diet pills every night telling me it will help me lose weight.

Ana, 

Are we going to be friends forever…

Or are you going to leave me?

You are all I have.

You are my best friend and my only friend.

You whisper secrets in my ear on how to get skinny.

You make me want to be thin.

You tell me that if I eat, I will be fat.

You make me watch shows like America's Next Top Model and Supersize vs Superskinny.

I don’t want to make you mad Ana,

But I don’t know how long I can do this for.

I’m starting to evaporate.

I can see my bones Ana,

I’ve spent all my money on laxatives and diet pills.

Are you happy yet?

Am I good enough yet?

How long do I have to keep doing this?

Ana, this is hurting me

I fell down the stairs today after nearly fainting.

Can I please eat lunch today…

I promise I will burn it off, I’ll go for a run as soon as I finish eating.

Ana, 

I’ve lost 30 pounds.

I get full after eating a single granola bar.

Everytime I eat you call me fat,

And I’m not fat anymore.

I’m sick.

And you made me sick.

Ana,

I thought you loved me.

And I realize now that you don't.

I don't think we should be friends anymore.

Sorry Ana, goodbye.