Surrender

Surrender

 

I lay my weapons down…

I couldn’t beat you with every armament ever made…

Nor do I want to…I love you…

But why do you smile when you tear my heart?

Small tears that make me bleed for you…

You do realize I’m in love with you?

That I gave up all that you hated…for you?

Does it give you pleasure?

In some way satisfy a broken soul?

How did I get you so wrong?

 

 

The falsehoods we hold on to…we’ve been let go…they forget…

Yet no matter how much time, distance, or prayer…a past of sin, finds you…

Often disguised in skin of perfect flesh, with eyes and a smile that breaks your heart…

Every single time she glances at you, then feigns a smile that touches your soul…that knows it's all fleeting...

But for what you did back then…that hides briefly, but stays…

Then reappears and starts to tear away the veil…

I killed it all, or so I thought, but sins don’t die…

They just regroup and find…

In the ones that are new…

But they knew, for we wear our sins beneath what we pretend to think we’ve become…

Yet know is a lie when their eyes widen when they’ve learned what you done…

No one hurt me…I could not be loved…

There was nothing but pain to come from her…

She had to hurt, then my despair could not rise to taint her…

Am I forgiven? Does it matter? What is there to lose?

 

 

 

The momentary glimpses of peace in a life of suffering and black…

Is hope, for there might be crack…

In the statue our abuse fused…

Even as we lose…

That singular ray of love, the sun let in…

That warmed a heart that misses a beat by its pain…

To harden again….and sit in stillness…

For it remembers what it’s done…

I lay my weapons down, unforgiven, thinking of the sun…