In The Cracks

I’m stuck in a place where it used to be simple to get out of when the people around me knew i was healing. Healing from memories cut so deep it took four stitches to close, two and a half weeks of medication trials; yet I was the one awaiting the life sentence. I bagged silently for someone to notice that I was slowly falling through the cracks that took months to fix. Attention was always on me with a smile as wide as my tongue could lie. Thoughts consuming my mind as I try to think of reasons not drag failure and regret as i punish myself.

Vulnerability. The only time I let myself be vulnerable with my emotions is when a male shows sexual affection; a love language I created when my feelings dissolved into you. My thoughts tell me he could be with someone else but he chose me. It’s upsetting to say that’s my idea of love;  it's hard to give your all when you leave a piece behind with someone who left.  The love once received eraced my old self beyond any words that i could write. Everything comes to an end one way or another, so why try again.