The Nights

Maiya Duran
The Nights 

I can’t get my foot

to stop hitting the floor.

I can’t tell if it’s the nerves

or just impatience. 

Bright fluorescent lights reflect

off of blinding 

white walls.

My eyes search desperately

for less jarring spaces in the room.

I only see reflections 

of myself:

exhausted

slumped bodies in plastic chairs,

dark rings under eyes filled with worry and tears. 

I can see the emotions drift around in the air,

lingering around me,

a fog. 

“I’m sorry”, 

I barely hear a nurse whisper to an elderly lady,

who bursts into hysterical sobs.  

“I’m sorry”

I can see the pain in his eyes 

before he bows his head 

and turns on his heels to leave,

clipboard in hand.

The fog grows heavier. 

I glance back to my hands.

Clenched together so tightly,

my knuckles are beginning to turn white. 

A twisted cord dangles from my left ear,

connected to the phone 

cradled in my lap. 

My finger falters over my phone

before hitting skip. 

Familiar lyrics fill my ears

“Once upon a younger year” 

I’m immediately whisked back to that summer evening—

Crescent shaped,

dancing shadows 

cast against a bright orange sky.

“Went face to face with all our fears”

The sparrows dip and glide seamlessly,

small dark wings skimming

overgrown grass. 

My eyes wide, 

watching them flit freely around me. 

“Made memories we knew would never fade”

A cooling breeze whistles past

and the field of tall grass

becomes a rippling ocean.

“One day, you'll leave this world behind, 

so live a life you will remember”

It was in that one moment,

everything was so perfectly aligned.

That for the first time—

I felt truly at peace. 

“These are the nights that never die”

The melody fades away

and I feel myself drifting back to the present.

The resolute calmness has set in.

I can still see it—

a wind

dissipating the last wisps of fog around me.  

I feel myself sit up a little straighter, 

my head held higher. 

My foot has stopped tapping. 

The wind has cleared a path for my realization: 

I had to be strong.

For the heartbroken lady crying alone,

for the dozens of tired, broken people around me,

and most importantly, 

for my brother.

Because even though he can’t tell me right now,

I know that’s what he would want.