Dear Ana,

I miss you

But not in the way that’s deemed appropriate

I miss your bones

The way your poison invaded my veins and my very being

I miss your toxic company

I miss your tender violence engulfing my existence

For I found peace in your chaos

I miss your dark soul devouring every bit of light

I miss your hollow eyes looking back at me and emptiness in my stomach.

My frail hand brushing your sunken in cheeks

I miss your cold, dark, arms embracing me, like a lighthouse bringing me home.

I miss you

Bruised knees, bloody knuckles, all for you my body buckles

For you were my love, my friend, my greatest joy

I now feel empty without you

But why?

You tried to kill me

You took my breath and heartbeat away

But I loved you

You took my life and friends away

But I loved you

You took everything from me

But I still miss and love you

But you

You are shots of Hennessy mixed with oxycodine

The highest high my dangerous love

The clock strikes 3:00 am I know you’re here but I cannot feel you anymore, I know you know I am there but you can no longer feel me. There’s only dust in the places we used to sleep in my heart. And to lose you, my greatest love, is a blessing.