Aishiteru - my love letter to you 愛と気づき

“Love.” Such a simple word but yet so strong.

Makes me question what I’ve been searching for all along.

What is wrong, and what is right.

What is that feeling I get through a song,

To write this poem despite my inner fight.

It’s ironic isn’t it? The mind that told me to hate is now telling me to love;

I wonder if this hate is made by my heart or consigned from below,

But both God and the Devil despises me so,

And when I close my eyes I envision around my heart; wings, feathers, passerine aether, much like the pure image of a dove.

This love may have very well be sent from above.

One eye up, the other eye down – wincing while reading this poem, it’s true,

Doesn’t matter though, everything comes to an end – love, life, family, jobs, relationships;

Wouldn’t even be surprised if this poem was the subject of future mockery with your pals and friends when I’m gone, but you see,

I will simply gaze at the sky and whisper under my voice, “I knew.”

Subtracting all of that I DO love you now and that’s a fact….

I mean… the flies are buttery in my stomach, encouraged by my head;

Even my pillow reminds me of you.

Body parts moving on its own, lips crying out your name ever so lustfully, squeezing my pillow like how jack held rose while out at sea~

Fantasizing about you next to me in my cozy… little… bed.

This is a long poem, I know.

But to fully express myself, which even in this poem I can’t, it must be so!

If you were a random female, classified by a garden tool which farmers use to plough, my interest in you would’ve been mild; calling it quits a long time ago and destroying your pride by calling you bro. :)

But- you’re different.

You kept pushing through even after I shoved you away. Heck! People even had the audacity to categorize me as a man who wants another man to eternally play; a longer term to a word that I cannot say.

But is it so wrong that I wanted to protect myself from future hurt.

Would you believe me if I told you that my ex saw me differently after some preposterous drivel that her best friends spurt.

Yea…. It’s just as stupid as it seems: relationships, family, money. people and society – the destruction of it all I deem.  

But- But- as tough as I talk right now, my love for you is still strong!

I don’t care if “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels us to breed;

The love that I feel is more vivid than that.

If love is fake, then why to the feeling do people create scripts and songs.

The scientific definition to the word is straight up wrong.

To love is to hate, and to hate is to love – it always goes hand in hand.

But if hate is stemmed from love, then that means my inner hate is the concealment of my true feelings which I subconsciously shove.

Look… what I’m trying to say is-

I-  I-  I- lo#^&*

Wow! This is even hard to type,

The mind so rich, but my tongue not yet ripe.

Maybe when we meet again my feelings will sprout, and you’ll hear the words coming from my very own mouth;

The feelings to wish or the feelings to be, whether I say it one time or two – just know that I’ll ALWAYS love you. <3