An Inescapable Disorder.

Lola Portillo-Wright

I don’t think you realise how much it affects me.

My eating disorder.

You don’t know of the countless time I burst into tears,

Because unless I sort myself out, I’m gonna be stuck like this forever,

How will someone ever love me if I can’t control my senses,

And their meltdowns?

I don’t think you understand either.

I don’t really think you try to understand.

Food is one of the things that keeps us alive,

That keeps everyone alive,

Imagine not being able to look at food,

Without having to stop yourself from breaking down,

To smell it when your mind thinks the fumes could kill you,

To talk about or think about food, without drowning in your own tears,

Imagine feeling like this for years,

Not even remembering feeling or being ‘normal’.

The worst thing about ARFID,

Is that it is inescapable,

Wherever you go,

Whatever you do,

Food is always going to follow,

Because it has to,

No matter how well you hide,

Or how far your run,

It always catches up to you.

  • Author: Lola Portillo-Wright (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: December 3rd, 2022 15:09
  • Comment from author about the poem: This poem is about an eating disorder that I was diagnosed with some months ago. ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) has been a recognised 'ed' since 2013. For me, 'An Inescapable Disorder' outlines some of my thoughts and emotions towards how it affects me, and how others have reacted to my diagnosis. Eating disorders in general need more recognition, especially the 'invisible' eating disorders that not many people know of. I hope that my poem will educate/make people of aware of some of the realities of eating disorders.
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 15
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