An Inescapable Disorder.

I don’t think you realise how much it affects me.

My eating disorder.

You don’t know of the countless time I burst into tears,

Because unless I sort myself out, I’m gonna be stuck like this forever,

How will someone ever love me if I can’t control my senses,

And their meltdowns?

I don’t think you understand either.

I don’t really think you try to understand.

Food is one of the things that keeps us alive,

That keeps everyone alive,

Imagine not being able to look at food,

Without having to stop yourself from breaking down,

To smell it when your mind thinks the fumes could kill you,

To talk about or think about food, without drowning in your own tears,

Imagine feeling like this for years,

Not even remembering feeling or being ‘normal’.

The worst thing about ARFID,

Is that it is inescapable,

Wherever you go,

Whatever you do,

Food is always going to follow,

Because it has to,

No matter how well you hide,

Or how far your run,

It always catches up to you.