The continuous cycle of life.

I don’t normally do this but there has been a feeling hanging onto me for a while. It feels heavy like a weight on my heart like I could cry any second but also can’t. I feels like I’m dragging myself around instead of walking. I think it has come with the over whelming realization that I will never escape reality. Everyone has a dream right? Well mine can never be fulfilled. It’s like I’m reaching for something beyond, something I will never get. I will never get any of what I want, nothing in the world can satisfy, unlike my dream, but I cannot accomplish my dream. By what I want I’m not talking about physical possessions or emotions but something much greater, so great I cannot describe it. Nothing can describe it, that’s exactly what it is, it’s nothing. But I will never get nothing because to get nothing we must escape the life of continuous days. Every day repeating itself and continuing on like nothing ever happened. That’s just life though. School is a never ending cycle of life, per say, a stuck schedule everyday even for weekends and you continue on this cycle for what, 18 years? Sometimes even more. I need to escape this horrid reality, it pains my heart; I will be stuck forever until I die. Fortunately I don’t think I’ll make it past Highschool. I really have nothing to live for in this reality. Some might argue that family and friends are reason enough, and that I’m just selfish for wanting more than that as a will to live. Though friends and family are enough for some it’s just a small percentage for me. Yes, I have a nice life, three close friends and an okay family that has too high of expectations, but there’s just something nagging me that this life isn’t enough. I know nothing I want will come true but I truly wish to accomplish fate. When I say I want to rule the world I mean it, when I say life is a lie, I mean it. I want to feel blood of another person. I want to travel the world, I want anything and everything a person could ask for, but wanting that stuff is stupid. Yes everyone wants stuff like that, but no one will ever get it unless they truly desire it. I do not. My desires, even I do not understand.