Trauma

Everytime I write about the inflicted pain throughout my history, it reminds me of trauma felt inside life. Memories stored are fresh in emotion, burning from the open wounds I slit with a knife. Twelve years old without a father figure to call me his own, substituted by a demon wanting me dead. My mom was blinded by the fake display of affection, his plan to get her in bed. She's divorced eleven months now, but twenty eight years of secrets about him I let her know. Holding back from the truth, my reasoning was escape violence in whatever direction I go. A problem needed to be solved, it was either him, or me. I disappeared to fix the moment, wanting her to be happy. Being destroyed by the ways of treatment, had me aching for death. Inhumane of an incident, planted in my brain, never to forget. I had an accident, leaving my waste on the floor. The demon had a sinister smile on his face, not knowing what he had in store. I placed it into an empty bucket, and he directed me to the bathroom. I knew something bad was about to happen, feeling a sense of doom. Stopping in front of the mirror, a threat to consume had my eyes flushed with tears. I begged for reconsideration, but I had nowhere to run, or disappear. After it happened, disgusted with my existence, crushed up chips and chlorine tablets that I'd eat for days. I'm haunted in my dreams of the control he has from his ways. A bully that I won't ever confront, karma will catch him when he's off guard. There's no chance of forgiveness in the depth of a big heart. I'm not afraid of anything, or anyone that rules in the favor of hate. Always room for more hope and love in a cycle that needs to break.