My coping method fraught with utmost futility thus...

My professional treatment plan

predicated upon duress in extremis

hence Electroconvulsive therapy,

a last ditch effort I avail

and surrender self qua

to shock the monkey (me)

one (twenty first century)

obstinate bipedal hominid turncoat

optioned, aye bewail

as desperation if standard

psychological measures peter out

leaving nothing but pall tree

(paltry) choice, and

to be frank and/or ernest

if necessary to blackmail

either Doctor Demento or

Doctor Frankenstein,

not out of the question,

cuz accidental discover re:

less than credit worthy

visa vis could yield

(ahem) grave zero APR,

hence bad (bon Jovian) medicine

shot thru the heart

sought as precautionary

measure for measure to countervail

undesirable repercussions

paralyzed with panic attacks

hoop fully intervention doth curtail

any unexpected train of thought

kept on track and not to derail,

thus every nitty gritty detail,

asper my treatment plan

made purposely amenable

courtesy cooperation Matthew Scott Harris,
every aspect must absolutely dovetail

with The Elements of Style
or hew very close
to strictures of
Strunk and White,

or similar facsimile thereof, anyway
strict requirements quality controlled

with results tubby

sent as easy to read email
encryption avoided to scotch flummoxing
which ain't so daunting a task,

whose basic simplicity

did not take up max

(imam) headroom, nevertheless

said minimalistic approach

rooted in advanced mathematics

feigned as hair brained scheme didst entail

hatching with Sam I am

(of Doctor Zeus fame)...

Oh...My...G___ gadzooks

no failsafe recourse, should

shell shocking Electroconvulsive therapy
even slip up an infinitesimal jot

offsetting requisite exactly predicted results
yes, even if precision errs

by a mere clipped fingernail...
the sought after outcome
(devised on the fly - by night
Reddit writer above named author)

who will most certainly flail

like some GMO gone awry

(if patient accidentally got electrocuted)

finding him to become instantaneously

petrified and frail looking

analogous to witnessing

healing powers wrought courtesy

iconic legendary Holy Grail

humble gray cup
used by Jesus at the Last Supper
if tightly gripped stronghold slackened

shattering into a bajillion pieces,

whereby the heavens,

would rain baseball size hail

scaring every last man,

woman, and child to hightail

suddenly materializing gendarmes

donned in heavy duty boots

studded with many a hobnail

stamping out duff feet,

sans long arm of law and order

standing ramrod straight on their heels,

and if any scapegoats nabbed

definitely consigned to jail

subsisting on thin gruel and kale

the latter packaged

at hydroponics plant in Lansdale

without chance of parole to prevail

wardens instill fright even

most macho prisoner quail

no matter innocence their fate sealed
he/his, she/hers

might possibly be free to sail

to some tropical island

awash with carbon copies

of Euell Gibbons doppelganger,

hawking, munchin, touting...
many pine tree parts as edible

when Alpine mountains

beckon forth to scale.