I am a narcissist

the world revolves around me, a well meaning, meladramatic, anxious narcissist

we are fundamentally screwed from the time of our conseption.

some times i envy the aborted fetus

that has more rights than i do.

we talk about consent

like it will change the way that bodys with souls are veiwed.

working to make changes

that we will die before we see any result too.

 

as long as i’m safe in my room

ignoring all the atrocities swarming around me.

as long as i can convince myself

that my needs are greater than others.

as long as there’s some one

someone to lie to me and tell me i matter.

then maybe i can just go a little longer.

 

i sit in think in my nice house

surrounded with the warm blanket of white privilege

and i tell myself that

i am the problem

only to turn around and do nothing.

in truth i am no better than any other person

ignoring the hainus acts happening out on my door step.

siting peacefuly

pretending i do not hear the screams.

 

the world revolves around me,

if there is something that directly affects me,

something that disrupts the stars revolutions

or slows down the rotations on the moons axis,

i will fix it.

but the things i can shield from my vision

or are there and gone like a comet

breezing through my mind just as easily

i hide away behind walls and excuses

“oh i am sick and disabled”

“ah but i’m trans”

“well i am mentally ill”

so it’s ok

i can just wait for the stars to aline just right.

for Spirit to send me a sine

for anyone to call me out on my bull shit.

but they are too busy being the center of their own little universe.

dodging the same rocks thrown as i am.

 

we are all just sitting in little glass houses

knowing that calling someone else out makes them a worse person

if they don’t fix themselves first.

dose writing this make me a hypocrite.

i think so.

but then again it dosent matter cause this illusion

the fake world i’ve created in my mind

revolves around me.

it makes me feel good about myself

no real change other than i live one day more

to be a a well meaning, meladramatic, anxious narcissist