Empty

Why be sad when you can just be gone? 

The question tiptoes around my mind, 

Spend hours late at night thinking how it could all be so different if I just did this one thing right, 

Why must it be so difficult to do a simple daily task, 

Brush my teeth and comb my hair seems like a journey on its own, 

What is this empty feeling inside, 

I miss who I was, 

I miss how I cared, 

I miss my emotions that would keep me up late at night, 

It is what it is, is the mindset I’ve come to, 

Seems like nothing really matters, so why should I care? 

Waking up every day to do the same shit over and over, when will it end?  

I just want to break this endless cycle of disappointment and anger, 

Seeing kids my age being so happy and fulfilled makes me wonder what is wrong with me? 

Why can’t I just be as happy as them? 

For what have I done to deserve this cruel punishment? 

These feelings wash over me as the ocean water does to sand, 

I know I was truly happy once,  

Those memories glimpse through my mind making me wonder why I am what I am, 

Lately it seems I no longer know who I am, 

I just want the sense of belonging once again, 

Everyone seems so distant and far when I need them, 

Yet I’m here when they need to vent and dump their so called “trauma”, 

I tell them I’m there for them when they need me and tell myself these feelings of emptiness will soon reside, 

And that one day I'll be as joyful as them, 

I just want to be happy again, 

I just want them to understand, 

I just want to know who I am, 

They say these feelings can go away with one simple pill, 

They say I am broken, 

They say I can be fixed, 

They say it will soon get better, 

Soon seems so far with each passing day, 

I feel worse than before but I must hide the fact that I want to end it all, 

Knowing that the people I love would suffer is the only thing that is stopping me, 

But now it’s beginning to feel like it's not enough, 

Back to the endless cycle of pain and loneliness seems like my future, 

Yet I know a way that would make me feel better, 

A simple way out is what I see when the pills stare right back at me, 

I know I mustn't cave to the temptation, but it seems so right in the moment, 

Believe me when I say I've tried to seek help,  

But these feelings just linger and they seem to get bigger and bigger, 

They tie me down to my bed, 

I can't move, 

I can't breathe, 

I don’t see a way out, 

So I just lay there and question, why should I be sad when I can just be gone.