brick by brick

There are no doors here
to my world
No windows to peek through to see my idiosycracies
Once there were but now smooth walls
a borderless country
surrounded by water on all sides
We are alone

We're born I think, atleast most of us
with a want to be seen, to be known
Our worlds we want to be discovered
and in them we can bask in the love
and the warmth of those we trust.

But some of us knew only monsters
Intruders into these spaces
sabatours of our world
and with every fist of my father, a brick.
for every cruel word my mother, the mortar

I thought the walls were a testament to my strength
I thought truly myself a wild untameable thing
arrogance and ego

I cant forget the monsters
I dont want to be alone like this anymore
I hate these walls I made to protect me from pain
The hurt was so much it was isolate or die.
Because my death would have been more tolerable
than another second of the hurt and shame

I try and break free, to let others see me
I know them so well, and they only know the man on the wall
a cariacature, my emissary into the real world
while I hide on this island, isolated.

Now this lonliness hurts too
Its always just hurt, pain, hurt, pain

I loved someone once
but I never learned how to really do that
I loved her so much I freed her from me
I will always be this broken man, she deserved
something normal
a love she didnt doubt
a simplicity of love

I think if my death
wouldnt hurt anyone
I'd be ready to go

I think I dont like
when people love me
because I cant believe
that its true
and that their love
will make it that
much harder for me
When I decide its
Finally time for 
me to go.

The quiet of eternity is the most beautiful sound I can imagine.