Please help yarn hexed door neighbor...

Yours truly pinned down by invisible

vestiges of coronavirus and

getting attacked from angry plague

of buttons, plus huge spools of yarn

grossly mistook me for human sock

to seal and line with something foreign

sewing lips impossible mission

even to force out

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

(even ventriloquist like) argh gosh darn

smarting with horse sense
Equus caballus hilariously snorting
cuz door left ajar

allowing, enabling, and

providing exit from out the barn.

H. Ty Warner's

ingenious imaginative creations
(a craze that swept America circa
second half of ninety nineties -
and furious at their worthlessness today)

hungry carnivorous, ferocious,

insidious, ludicrous, opprobrious...

anything but innocent looking playthings,
where sharp hairs

bristle, kindle, and ruffle
and upper and lower sharp teeth engage

abandoned beanie baby brood

massive collections spouse accrued,
when said toys all the rage
uttered courtesy buttoned down sage
at auction in two thousand twenty two

might look as small fortune

worth a few thousand dollars
no matter adamantly refuse
being sold to highest bidder.

Beanie Babies from exclusive events,

the Original Nine designs,

first-generation releases,

and even toys with tag errors

can fetch a pretty penny

in the collector's market.

Overrun livingsocial hotmail

by teddy bears and beanie babies

bright idea of zee missus aye air

without any last thread bare
bequeathing, dedicating, forwarding

aforementioned merchandise

to whomever subtly nods head so beware

(yes if you barely
shake noggin) that automatically translates

as goodies non-negotiably sold to thee

signed, sealed and delivered

courtesy wordsmith
duck quacking Doctor Demento,

who forewarns patrons to clear

out and vacate premises asap

lest malingerers experience testament

becoming subjected to she/her
addressed as gaseous spouse

id est "my little buttock blaster” dear

surviving kin who ranks
holy smokes - for obvious reasons,

and before she begat two 'ere
rip press ably lovely daughters),

anyway thee wife I fear
to publicize, she contracted

benign strain sans incurable glare

to this knit wit – if anyone kin hear
ring house cleaning malady,
thus far no unpronounceable hair
who offers chance to jeer

wag middle finger quite visibly near

heck – even call

guardian angel on wing and prayer

or rumplestiltskin with tiny

ear splitting flatulence sounding rear

help rescue me,

who will button his lips I swear

with duct tape and mouth sealed

with ropy hemp

painstakingly made courtesy

“I hate boys” underwear

now quick travel back

in time from this year.

Come breathe with Justin,

he sports nuff timber alive

analogous rock of Gibraltar to belay
lake nsync with Beastie Boys

viz Bay City Rollers Culture
Clubbing babes upon spring day
engrossed in this, that,

or some other sweeping floor foray
(linkedin to Velveteen Rabbit)

shedding gun metal gray

filled stack of hay

winter coat when

warmer temperatures arrive,
where humongous fur clumps lay
comprising sudden empty raft

of shelf space minus a may

which event no picnic in may

nor pleasant as per needled
zing globules, oh...

lemme get on track,
whence frenzied fever

"cleaning bug" nee
major virus afflicting wife

necessitates impossible task

strapping former bachelorette

feisty Norwegian farm gal
straight laced as a yellowjacket

livingsocial within droning hive,

be game to play
24/7 challenged,

I unsuspectingly quickly sink oye

which nearest prey

happened to be yours truly,
destined to get submerged

as black lagoon creatures’ pray

trending and feigning solution

to null solution e quay

I hired devious skullduggery
Smokey and Bandits),

an imp posse sub bill
outlaw gang), who lived lichen

Aristo cur Rat along the quay

boot tiring and cruel task

of her life Yukon say

shun didst tax patience for today

doth not wish

to witness condemned self

to uber fifth dimension
housing after lives like tiny Tim

plays ukulele, where eye espy
which unpredictable timeframe remaining

lifetime sans wife oy vey
would frank lee zap

every last oomph of mine
if able to remain with spouse

meanwhile she obliviously

proverbially plucks persistently

sprouting stranded follicles
tiller broad forehead resembles

a minuscule tarmac way
Kantian fractal facial expressions

where disembodied spirits
sup on diet of worms and whey
whose effervescent essence

invisible as an x-ray
sewing seeds of life

and white lily repeated onslaught
with buttons and yarn ah feign YAY.