I Am Lost

I’m lost, completely lost. The feelings of not being good enough rise like a volcano ready to erupt. I tell myself tomorrow will be different, tomorrow everything will be okay. Well, tomorrow has now become today and there’s nothing but empty thoughts that just won’t go away. So I cry and cry in the darkness, behind these closed doors. I once had a little bit of hope, that everything would be just fine. That hope has quickly shattered, I am no longer the pure little girl I once was. So I ask you, why should I wake another day just to pretend everything's okay. I look in the  mirror and I don’t see me. All that's left is a sad teenage girl with scars under her jeans. As this girl pulls down her long sleeves, you can almost see a glimmer of who I used to be. I used to go out and run to get away from thoughts that made me wish I had never been born at all. Now, I just sleep instead. I can’t even be bothered to do things I once loved. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure if there’s anything I truly love anymore. Then, I think about dying. How would I do it, who would find me. Then I think about them, the two things keeping me alive. Tessa, my darling cat, I can’t leave her with them. To never see me, her fur mama again. Then there's him, the boy who has the grip of a shark’s jaw on me. We say never again but I just can’t get away from him. I am lost, completely lost.
                                    - Sincerely, A