Gaslight

You brought me the sunshine,

You brought me the light,

You gave me a reason to try to do right.

It seemed like there was never a moment,

Never a day,

Where you wouldn't stand beside me in a unwavering way.

But I had my moments,

Where I carried a torch,

I would light the flames that would bring on a scorch.

And the flames were a plenty,

The inner screams they were loud,

Something for which I could never be proud.

I laid hard into myself,

I set off the gas,

And any inner sanctum of peace would never last.

I burned myself down,

Torn myself apart,

Always questioning myself, I would break my own heart.

With inner gaslighting complete,

Full of self hatred and rage,

The vulnerable child in me could not turn over the page.

I worked so hard to please you,

To just try to do right,

To take care of my family despite of my plight.

I know that you loved me at one time,

Something for which I'm quite sure,

But my tortured brain was something your love could not cure.

My vulnerable inner child was never good enough for me,

But that's the story of my life,

How could it be good enough for ye.

And I would become nothing but a roommate,

A handyman of sorts,

And for all my effort I would continue to fall short.

And the sunshine that you brought,

And with it the warmth to my heart,

It would diminish to nothing and I'd go back to the start.

Alone again.

Alone.