January 24th, 2023 Hair washing heralds huge happening

Hark….the herald angels sing, and twitter

for mass communication

mediums stop the presses
when I, a regular schlemiel

take shampoo to mine matted mass mop
(no less than once a week)
of straggly follicles, and commence

to dispense with the heady eco system

viz rare crop of flora and fauna
(some rank as endangered species)

rub and band together

to scratch envy of

flaky key neigh bring ponytails
and create quite an niche,
and where also can be found
lousy knit wit vendors ready to scalp

and give shaft to razor sharp purveyors,
who mane lee scout out available
head and shoulder room to nap

without a stir, tub bed down
(praying Holy Scott no wash out

nor Harris mint occurs),

or burrow vis a vis,

where subcutaneous porous droplet size
watership down pieces

of prime residence found
counting one mister comb lee

bald bold faced realtor

amidst competing rival

bulb buss Edward scissorhands

(with knot to heavy a price toupee)
affianced to rapunzel,

whom he sheared split ends
as her barber of civil,

one dapper dander ruff dude to offer
lice cent shuss insects a tonsured

cut above other stylish habitués

 

preferring to fraternize,

glad-hand, and hobnob
amidst a cluster of big wigs

housed by yours truly - Samson
in gleaming puffy pompadour

pads tightly secured
with the best dreadlocks,

which harum-scarum

green barrettes serve

 

as first line of rinse able defense
IdentityGuard (with franchisee
Bob O Link averse to split hairs, but fierce
as a Mohawk and ring leader

to protect any curl of mine)
waving away intruders,

who if insist tubby persistent
and tangle with fate

cannot expect camaraderie

from buzz cutting crew i.e. the fuzz
to give expletive filled lathering,
severe shame poo wing subjugation
plus an up braiding experience),

and teach stragglers
they will suffer

a real perm in hint bang up job
if they brazenly brush

against brylcreem of the crop
rooted as rightful heirs

(hairs) of tousled doo mane,

thus concludes my tail.

 

Postscript: Yours truly
an aging long haired
seventh generation pencil neck geek

finds ultra joy when

volunteering for kitchen duty,

hence imagine the hypothetical picture

portraying Geico caveman

mimicking pseudo dawn of humanity.