Numb To It All

I wish couldn’t feel

Feel the pain of giving my all

and the pain of not getting the same in return

The pain of losing a loved one and the pain of never hearing their voice ever again

The pain of winning the lottery but losing the ticket

The pain of your mother not remembering your name due to aging.

I wish I couldn’t feel..

Then maybe I wouldn’t be so emotional

Then maybe I wouldn’t care of who came and walked out of my life

Then maybe I wouldn’t care about that job I didn’t get, and how many hours wasted on preparation for the interview

The gas I put into my car, the miles traveled.

I wish I couldn’t feel.

I’d be less saddened by sad news.

I wouldn’t feel the pain of being with my husband for 12  years but never knowing who he truly is.

The pain of knowing time with people don’t actually matter until it’s the only thing that does.

The pain of the moments of solitude where you reminisce on your childhood and how simple life was.

The pain of now knowing doing grown up things actually doesn’t look fun after all.

The pain of realizing that the word love has limitations depending on the person you’re with.

I wish I couldn’t feel then maybe I’d view the world differently, maybe It be easier to let go, maybe I’d see love differently. Maybe I wouldn’t care that I care too much about what hurts me.

Until then, I’ll continue to be a sponge that soaks up every emotion and pain that I feel.

I’ll wait until the moment I’m used and someone rings out all the emotion that I hold inside.

I wish I couldn’t feel, they say pain is only temporary, but is it really? I think we just mask it and find different ways to cope with it.