When The Iron Forms

Juniper June


Around me are bulbs, 

Bright and fluorescent,

Or scattered like glitter,

Not dimming nor spent.

Against the terrific abyss,

To you I'm invisible.

A sight not meant to see,

Unimportant, infinitesimal.


"Burn brighter", I cry,

But what use it it?

I remain in the sky

As nothing more 

Than nothing.

Burn brighter, I try,

But what good is it?

What purpose have I to exist?


Desperation exhausts,

But thrill it brings.

With every strain I create,

Hotter I burn.

With all the energy I drain,

"Brighter!" I earn.


So quickly I spin,

That the universe blurs.

No more bulbs.

No more glitter.

No more taunt.

No hidden titter.

Just me, and my rays.

"O, how glorious!"

"O, how bright!"

Hotter I'm burning,

Denser I'm forming.

Madder I'm cackling,

Bluer I'm turning.


I feel sick with speed,

High with adrenaline.

I buzz with energy,

And laugh out:

"Look at me!"

"I fluoresce,

I glitter,

I'm brighter,

I'm better!"


Soon I burn so bright,

I shield my own eyes.

I spin so fast,

That I'm paralysed.

I try to reach out and grab,

Cling to and hold,

Someone, anyone,

To uncrease the fold.

But my hands seize nothing,

For far away from me,

Distant and fleeing,

The stars that used to be.

I look around and see,

Only eyes watching me.


I begin to wobble,

I begin to shake.

I burn hotter and hotter,

Scorching my own flame.

Denser and denser,

Faster and faster.

"Help me!" I cry,

But still they watch.


Control slips my grasp,

As my energy multiplies.

But then my inside shifts,

My core becomes uprooted.

So weighed down am I,

I am left depleted,

As my energy exhausts,

The iron forms within me,

More dense than I could be.


Too far I have pushed myself,

Down a path not meant for me.

Unsatisfied by what I had,

Desiring what I wouldn't be.

  • Author: Juniper June (Offline Offline)
  • Published: February 13th, 2023 14:52
  • Comment from author about the poem: Hi! So this is kind of my first poem I've ever completed, and I'm proud of it! However, I'd love some feedback so I can improve :) Also, this poem is a metaphor for someone who pushes them self too hard and in turn burns out. Also also, the information about the death of a star that I used in this poem, I received from attending a very cool class about the life of stars!! I hope you enjoy the poem :))
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 17


  • Doggerel Dave

    You really should not ask for feedback from an unknown audience how can you trust the quality of the response?

    Try this:

    If you don't understand I'll explain.

    • Juniper June

      Hi, Dave! Thank you for the comment. I do disagree slightly, because I believe I'm capable of judging the quality of feedback (even as I ask for it). I uploaded here to share my work and receive feedback and encouragement from writers like myself.
      Using your own logic, why then should I trust your own advice? I did however follow your link and found some of the advice to be suitable, anyway. Thank you again for the comment 🙂

      • Doggerel Dave

        You shouldn't trust me more than anyone else. Depends on how discriminating you are....
        When I posted to you I had no knowledge (owing to zero detail from you), who I was addressing.

        So, I hope you enjoy your stay at MPS, let's learn a little more about you. At least it seems, I don't have to ask you to respond to other's work.....!

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