The power to control

The power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events.

A power that is also called control.

Control has been very helpful in my life's invents.

It has enabled me to achieve what I wanted to achieve.

And has brought me certainty in times where everything felt out of control.

But sometimes this power turns into a burden.

Because I always felt like the one accountable.

And to prevent chaos, I was always the one to blame in times that were uncertain.

Because I allowed everyone else to be free and out of control.

This pattern has made me the responsible one.

The one who always needed to have control in order to succeed.

Living like this has caused a fear of having fun.

Because then there is a chance that the uncontrollable parts of me will lead.

The good uncontrollable parts enable me to let go and be bold.

While the bad uncontrollable parts are very impulsive and lack forethought.

Both parts are frustrated by always being controlled.

They always need to behave within limits and justify any thought.

In order to tame the reckless behavior that may come out.

I have learned to control my behavior.

The power to control is now the reason I always doubt.

And influence or direct myself to prevent failure.