I tried , I swear I did

I’ve been struggling for a long time

Been patiently waiting like the poor people on the corner waiting on a drop of a dime

Waiting for my light to shine

Waiting for my life to be mine

But it isn’t

The silent thoughts control me

While my lips yell to be free

Nobody listens , nobody cares

But when I act out character all I get is stares

I tried, I swear I did

To keep my mask on

To keep life moving along

But I can’t

I’m tired

Tired of being in the cold world with nobody to lean on

Of the judgmental thoughts that escapes from my peers lips

Faking the laughs and the happiness

I just wanna go home

I tried, I swear I did

To stay

To live

To breathe the air of happiness

To finally be me

To not be torn down with the obstacles that approach every time I take a blink

I tried , I swear I did

I don’t get attached

Cause it seems like every time I do , the person leaves me

And it pains me

I’m the one begging to go home, how you get called before me?

Is it that god is punishing me?

So he calls everyone who ever loved me, cared for me, and understands me home ?

But not me right ?

It’s ok

I tried, I swear I did

Mostly everybody I love is home,

but they love me so much they not ready to see me again just yet

This is a fake ass world

But every now again I meet real

I love real and real heals

But they don’t understand that I’m damaged soul

They don’t understand that it’s not there mission to save me it’s not there goal .

They don’t understand that I’m not the brave me.

They don’t understand my passion for wanting to be sleep in a grave you see,

I tried, I swear I did.

I hope all my loved ones forgive me for my sins,

But I couldn’t win

It’s swallowed Me whole

This life tied me down and made me watch it kill away my heart kill away my soul

It took my joy

And it played with it like some kind of toy

I haven’t been ok for years

I den cried so many tears

I’m just ready to go home now where I belong

And I’m sorry but

I tried, I swear I did

 

                                                ~Sincerely,

  A damaged soul ready to be called home