Rejection By the Seaside

The soft amber glow
of the street lamps
cocooning us in its comforting light
as if to say its okay,
make your move
try and kiss her

and then the lightning bolt came down
not with love, piety, and understanding
but with the vengeance
of a thousand
suns
casting
everyone and everything,
a permanent shadow of the moment
crystalized in time and space
forever,
in our minds.
maybe just in mine.

My head was set a fire
brain sizzling in my skull
searing into my memory
the feeling of rejection
being pushed away

Everywhere I went
I saw her face
etched in the evergreens, the
epiphytes on the side of the house,
the puddle in the middle of the street
holding her reflection,
making me step around it
to avoid hurting her again

And just when I thought I'd escaped
she was there once more
in my mind
at the pier
where we had the scrambled eggs
the lime
with mimosas,
and she wore the extravagant sun dress.
we laughed until dawn that day 
and I really thought.
She was my one and only.

I thought she was the one
I really did.

It never occurred to me
what she might
have been going through at the time.
Now that I look back
on it
I can see.
Maybe she was hurting
worse
than me.

The pain in her eyes
The truth
The giving up
was something that I caused.

It was something I'd never 
seen before at that age
How someone
once so proud, all worldly, infinite of feminine wonder and beating of the chest
could turn so meek
destroyed
in the slightest of moments.

I was confused
but I was living.