sometimes i wonder
how the trees must feel.
when the season arrives
and they lose every single leaf
they've grown to know.
and every single leaf
they've grown to love.
and they suffer loss.
time and time again.
and they crack open and whither
they must weep.
surely they weep.
because how can one lose all it knows
and not shed a single tear.
so sometimes i sit back and i wonder
what the trees must feel
- a.c.
-
Author:
alliegcassidy (
Offline) - Published: March 7th, 2023 23:02
- Comment from author about the poem: i know this poem isn't the best, but i tried. it just came to me and i wrote as i went along. constructive criticism is welcomed :)
- Category: Sad
- Views: 25
- Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek, reneesunknown, Lorna
Offline)
Comments4
(dear Poet, the below
is my feeble attempt at 'constructive criticism'
if I offend or annoy you in any way
please accept my apology in advance
trust me I only wish i could write a poem like you
and so, please
feel free to ignore my words..
thank you! for sharing a most memorable read)
your poetic exposition on the inevitability of change,
(be it
parents watching children grow n move out
or
children watching grandparent's, age
and move on
etc)
is really well imagined
and crystallised
in your imagery rich, poetry
you have utilised an accessible metaphor
and offer a level of brevity with your choice wording..
(i think the work is perfectly fine as it is)
there is elegance, in simplicity of eloquence
a work need not be unnecessarily complex
to fit-in, a poetic form or niche!
maybe, in future
i can suggest, you try adding layers
to the perspective
you portray, which will help you add even more depth
for example:
you could distil and edit this poem
as one lengthy stanza
then maybe offer, a second stanza
with the perspective
of 'that' unchanging, stone
adding an alternate or a juxtaposed
poetic voice
that witnesses the seasons change
and wishes, it could experience it..
(so maybe an old person looking out the window of old people home
waiting, on nothing
month after month
across the road from a school
watching kids grow, cry, laugh
and experiencing everything with
that zeal of untainted youth
etc)
such mechanisms in poetry, help add
and flourish your 'voice'
and broaden your scope
and thus insuring more people, relate
to your work
(but what do i know)
I like this poem .. nice personification of the tree .. I’m sure the tree would feel loss and pain .. carrying something we love only to lose it is sad .. almost like losing a part of ourselves .. the leaves on the tree.. maybe you can make the poem a bit longer or maybe use some similes or alliteration ..
This is absolutely beautiful
Ooooooo gonna watch for more from you. I like the style............
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