I got friggin heebie jeebies

Cuz buzzards circle o'er me
eyeing these lovely bones prithee
id est Roy L. T. Canard, Si

hence impossible mission

to be lovey dove vee.

 

Vague remembrances of dream
which recurred with frequency

transfixed by Sir Real majesty
shows me and the misssus evicted.

Hum habitually hiccuping

in tandem feeling woozy
virtually celebrating monarchism

with British Royal Family,
and about eager and ready

to take a snoozy

so please pardon this poet
exhibiting being a lil oozy,

nevertheless yours truly

birthed the following verse

a reasonable rhyme and doozy
considering yours truly tipsy and boozy.

Now this raggedy man
whilst deep in sleep
this past night

what felt like galactic body
fell upon ma slumbering heap
affecting immediate fear

lest worst nightmare

viz management boot us

into emotional inferno

 

felt steel tipped kickstarter,

would crush with might

but lo… heavy weighted body

just zee spouse

plunked herself into zzz land

immediately within unconsciousness deep

that's the husband unable

to recaptcha pleasant dreams

well nigh past midnight.

Unable to shake away drunken stupor
nor defeat insomnia

reliving sinister tête-à-tête

so...rather than emit shrieks

like some angry bird

idea arose to resume completing poem

expressing discombobulated state,

whereby sixty shades

of grey matter feels

similar to thick whey curds

palliative sans restorative power

per rest hopefully clear muddled pate

plagued with grogginess

and marauding herds

of mailer daemons worse

than unsuitable mate

or a world wide web filled with nerds,

thus lethargy purged

via catharsis forming swords

follow rhyming pattern

to convey drowsy tipsy mood,
a synonym for my words.

 

Noah respite despite eliminating kinks

courtesy arched back from cat nap

as ginned tonic, nor lion here

feline groovy getting high temporarily

spells relief and serve as balm

with pillowed temptress ever near

beckons softly inviting calm
before this human

goes awry and berserk on manic tear

being revisited from haunts
inside head of this wordsmith

caught by men in white coats

coming to take me away
Ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha,

 

to the funny farm
straitjacketing this maniac
wrought with weariness

dark ringed circles around eyes
showing Adonis long since didst veer

Judas Priest or
if you prefer heavens to murgatroyd

can't stomach bulge
spills o'er tattered underwear,

whose tushy by the way

once upon a time

about the size of average palm pilot,

yet taut for witnessing
three score plus three mortal year.

This ole goat intoxicated,
plus forcibly locked within

fas paux blinding darkness,
the pitch black common

all purpose room
in disarray after Skyping English fete

at fictional Knock Less Apartments aye
daily encounter, one bewitchingly

 

hair raising dreaded locked

rooted tension doth amplify

fiendishly horrible, jeeringly loopy,

nippy nap noopy,

pugnaciously ravenous, talon

viciously wizened, xenophobic yeti, zapping

zeroing zillion zippers,

zoned alley bye

 

barred doors fate helplessly jury-rigged
sealed with plaintive cry;

no escape known to this man caught

in a deadly voodoo clutch,

thus doomed to die

ugly cannibalistic, frightful,

heathen rumors myopic eyes espy

alarmed at feeling trapped

 

akin to a wingless fly

tapping reserves of scapegoat

coping techniques ingenuity,

which earned me moniker "fall guy,"

where accursed cruel fate destined exit

from getting husked, issued

jagged lance like mandibles "hi
there unknown weekly reader,” I

 

pray for super leftist
write hand man/woman to extricate

(via whipping up literary poetic fabrication),

then joining me to sing jai

(let victory prevail against killer odds)

perhaps summoning division

of British shiver rights phalanx,

hood reply with Hackneyed "oh kai"

springing surprise rescue,
sans swooping inside

mine hermetically faux invisible prison,

where this troubadour doth reside,
yet realistic to accept my
demise without putting up

a good fight well nigh

against inevitable mortality

 

(out maws of death)

gleefully depriving grim reaper

death his domain and

eventual unavoidable claim,
but if such kind unaccustomed soul

can cushion the blow of penury...

vis a vis philanthropic treatment

manifested as deliverance

 

courtesy anonymous altruistic benefactor

plucking one bard

off downward slippery

precipice of homelessness,

ye will be rewarded with apple pie
ala mode enjoying a Quai,
yet moment with

Holden Caulfield doppelganger

made famous qua Catcher in the Rye.