My New Fear

I have a new fear.

I dream of it.

It feels like a dark shadow looming there.

It’s standing behind me looking as if it’s ready to grab me.

To take me to the darkness.

It lives near.

It’s just around the bend.

It pretends and pretends.

I can’t live like this.

Always under pressure so I hold up my fists.

Ready to attack, wait no, ready to defend.

I’ve been defending everyone my entire life.

But who defends me.

Who can look and see?

See all the things I hide in my bag.

It’s heavy, full of secrets and such.

Full of the things I’ve done.

But slowly I’ve learned to trust no one.

No, never again.

Cause people will pretend to be your friend.

Then stab you in the back.

And then again and again.

I fall for the same cycle.

Over and over it repeats itself.

Daring me to stop it.

But it knows I don’t know how.

I’m screaming but no one hears a sound.

People see what they want.

The good in the world.

Or the parts that are not.

But despite my past, you stayed at first.

I thought you would leave after you heard the worst.

But you didn’t till today.

Just stopped responding in the middle of the day.

Walked home in the snow.

It was very, very cold.

I thought you would see me pass your house.

But I wasn’t greeted with anything.

I was left to keep walking, alone by myself.

As the day went on I still get no response.

I’m freaking out now, thinking the worst.

Have you abandoned me?

Left me to rot in the dark.

A toy you just played with

Is that all I am?

Just a Barbie doll.

Till I wasn’t interesting enough.

You left me with nothing.

Not even a goodbye.

Did I say something.

That’s all I’m thinking.

I, I ,I.

I am the problem

I am the reason

I am unlovable.

The shadow has grabbed me.

It’s dark and cold.

It runs through my veins now.

I will just be quiet.

Focus on my life, and school, and things.

I’m done talking to people.

I’m not answering any more questions.

I willingly will be invisible.

People will forget my face.

I’ll be a nobody in no time.

Wear my headphones all the time.

I’ll just listen, but never judge.

This is the last time I write any poems or stories or things of the such.

It’s all become to much.

So to any who finds this.

Just remember one thing.

I once was a someone.

A person that lived.

I’ll go by Jane Doe.

This is it.

You’ve reached the end.

The end of my life and all of my friendships.

Goodbye now.

Signed, Jane Doe