Matthew O' Harris Ease A "FAKE" Irishman


Since adopting the guise

of Norwegian bachelor farmer,

I may as well fabricate genetic stock

lock, and barrel linkedin to Celtic legend.


Sentimentalism invariably swelled me bosom

regarding how grown former bonny lad,

essentially mutely surfed, finagled, and coursed
one existential nihilistic wave after another

nearly getting drowned in the process


Any non American English

exotic pronunciations in general
and dialects predicated

with United Kingdom in particular

held me spellbound.


Debate ensues that the term brogue comes

from Irish word barróg, meaning

"a hold (on the tongue),"

thus "accent" or "speech impediment."


An alternative etymology suggested

that brogue means 'impediment,'

and that it came from barróg

which is homophonous

with bróg in Munster Irish.


Saint Patrick's Day, or

Feast of Saint Patrick

Lá Fhéile Pádraig

invoke even non Irish to proclaim

Éirinn go Brách

translated as "Ireland Forever."


Juiced tin he nuff tame afore
thee 2023 Saint Patrick's Day,
(hens this faux written accent

donned to sail hub berate won big todo
fur those peep pull o' Eire rush deuce cent)


aye pretend, and thence make oop
duff fallow wing vary minor event

harkening back e'er sins this generic gent,
hooped tubby imp poet hint wannabe,
(who hapt tubby absent

without leave from Brogue kin home
since a lil whippersnapper, and accident

boot tappin), when me note holler than
garden variety leprechaun, advertisement
tuff hind miss elf, no major ailment -

good red ants tomb ma late mum,
which fair re: creatures, no argument
booth us, iz moar rare than
finding far leaf clover,
and eek will coz fur astonishment


eef hoodlum (caw zing
bedlam) sought atonement

Yukon bull heave or no,
how life on the lamb

as a Dublin street urchin met belligerent


scruffy geezers old looking and bent

till kind ole soul named C. Clement

took yaws truly as apprenticed
Baron without complaint,

though kept ma lidded concealment


secret til search abandoned confident

gnome hissing pipsqueak,
would be sorely missed
giving fresh start with help to coinvent
patois, and be comb real estate magnet


ne'er no wing want oof
basic needs - yea content

in due time making pile
moan hee tall as Taj Mahal

kicking back during Lent

gerrymandering convalescent

old age spinning yarns
for modest copayment
total tubular tales with
nary a Harris Boss Tweed stitch of truth.

  • Author: rew4er2nail (Offline Offline)
  • Published: March 17th, 2023 07:43
  • Category: Humor
  • Views:

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