*I'M STILL LEARNING*
I’m still trying to learn
How to live a life without you and one so far from you
I’m learning
Yet for unknown reasons, I still feel like I need you
To be connected to you
It’s been a while since we spoke
Is it time to reach out yet?
I scrolled through my phone, couldn’t find your number
But that’s an excuse,
I still have it at the back of my head
I hate that I remember
A lot more often that I moved back to this place where we met
And now I curse these streets every time I walk on them
I yell on the graffiti we use to take pictures on
Who would have thought that healed wounds still hurt?
I passed by your gate three times today
Hoping you’d come out and we’d accidentally bump on each other
And you’d hold my hand and help me up
Then you’d realize how much time has changed me
How surprisingly good I look
Not that I die every morning before waking up
Because I do
It still hurts
You’d see how good I’m doing
And the regret would tear you apart
And I’d be there to witness it.
Not much joy to draw from it because I’m a mess
You made me this
I’m still learning
How to wear your hoodies without thinking of you
How to wear the necklaces without getting memories
I’m still learning
I’m learning how to stop using you for comparison
Like I loved how he made me coffee, his was different
I loved his way of doing things
He made me laugh harder
Think better
Feel nicer
I’m still learning
I’m learning,
How to react when your name is brought up
How to stop clenching on my heart and cursing every nerve that still reacts to it
How to look straight and unbothered by it
Yet somehow, just somehow
Your name digs up memories I stay up every night to bury
And now it feels all new again
Like the hurt is new
Yet I feel it everyday
I’m learning,
How to think about you without setting my soul on fire
How to listen to songs we used to love and act like I only loved them
How to write something that isn’t about you
I’ve failed, because this is about you
I’m still learning
How to love the things in me you couldn’t
How to tell myself I’m enough even when you felt I wasn’t
I’m learning
I’m still learning
How to write down my emotions instead of coming to you
How to live a life without needing validation from you
I’m learning
I’m learning how to be at peace with myself
How to settle with the gaps in me
The gaps that I still feel like only you would fill
I’m learning
But I’m daily faced with these unending thoughts
These unsettling feeling that I’ll never find someone like you
Or yet go back to being myself without you
But,
I’m still learning.
*_Sunset Desires_*
-
Author:
Sunset Desires (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: March 30th, 2023 14:44
- Category: Love
- Views: 20
- Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
Offline)
Comments3
I tried reading this but the characters are not named so there is no point.Who is "you" and why should the reader care??
I tried reading this but the characters are not named so there is no point.Who is "you" and why should the reader care??
Isn't this about a lost love? I don't need to know who the two are exactly. And isn't poetry about the great subjects and themes in life: nature, God, death, war and peace, travelling, love and lost love...
And haven't we all experienced similar situations or at least heard about them?
I liked the poem.
Poetry can be about lost love, if your name the characters.Otherwise as I said there is no point.Do you really think Romeo and Juliet would be as good if it was titled "He" And She".
David, I insist that one doesn't always need names. I know fine poems "To the girl next door" or one about baseball: "The outfielder". And what about Leonard Cohen's "Sisters of Mercy"? No names needed. Poems about "nameless" people may even be more universal.
I grow weary of your kind.
Sorry, I won't bother you any more...
the intellect of your honesty's eloquence
exudes
that humane quality, so rare in modernity..
you've exemplified
the very Art of therapy, available
to us who utilise Poesy
as more that a literary format
envisaging, within the words
we ink so boldly, a path
to ink out our hurt and heal ourselves
heeding legacy of Sylvia Plath's
confessional Poetry
to pen our self emancipation words
and free ourselves
from life's bruises...!
stay strong, dear Poet
I laud your honesty's, bravery
a great write!
(please, ignore the noise
from those whose bruised ego's demand
that they try and derail those
more talented, than themselves
it is not your poetry, they object to
rather
it's the power of your sincerity
they refute
because their self-involved existence
won't allow them to look in the mirror
without projecting a fantasy mirage
of themselves
let alone, pen their vulnerability
and share it with the world..)
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