Blackout

you gave me life. 

you gave me hope. 

you gave me freedom.

I gave you a release.

I gave you fun.

I gave you too much.

I saw something new.

I saw something real.

I felt something special. 

you didn't see me.

you didn't see us.

you didn't feel the same. 

We both had different visions for our lives at the point we have reached. I figured I would be graduating college and in a perfect fairytale relationship. You probably thought you would have everything you wanted: perfect career, perfect house, the right car, and  the right girl. I know I'm not her, the perfect girl- your perfect girl.

you drink to be free.

you drink to turn it off.

you drink to forget.

I don't drink. 

I don't forget.

I can't forget.

you move on so easily.

you erase nights that hurt. 

you black out the ugly.

I want to learn how.

I want to let go. 

I want to blackout you. 

I want to give you the freedom that you so desperately want. I have tried my hardest to be what you like. I have become so different from the person you first met at the apartment and then later at the lake; In some ways for the better. There is a small part of me that is still the same and I wish it was the one part that had changed more than any other. I love too deeply and strongly. Yet I have never loved the way that I love you. [Blank] is my life-line and I will love her immensely until the day I die. You on the other hand... you are the breath in my lungs. My heart can pump all it wants but without oxygen it will eventually fail. Sometimes I think I am ready to let go. I pretend that I already have. This last year especially feels like I have been holding my breath and it is time that I let of it. I either need to learn to breathe on my own or I need to let my breath be taken away permanently. I need to give you peace. I need to give you freedom. I 've held my breath for this long and it's time to black out you before I black you for good. So, cheers, bottoms up. Let's have one last hoorah and forget it all. Before it's too late. 

you gave me joy.

you gave me peace of mind.

you gave me everything to feel special.

I gave you love.

I gave you a second chance.

I gave you everything special to me.