My poetic side COSMOFUNNEL

wordsmith thanks tumblr in his noggin
ofttimes triggering babbling brook
to swell after deluge
becoming stream of consciousness runnel
carving, gouging, and liquidating topography

qua zee mow toe natural formed tunnel.

Digitally remastered and revised

since original version rejected, thus
writer released, purposely leaked,

and flooded mass media

courtesy the following
self branded watershed vaunted unabridged

sprawling questionable and deplorable

creation loosed upon unassuming readers.

Analogously linkedin with

once upon a time

one doodling dandy Yankee slender man,

whose yang upended, overshadowed,

and eclipsed mine yin,

nevertheless, now yours truly self anointed

as an elder statesman - ha

gifted with unwanted

inxs of abdominal adipose tissue

(attributed to agent provocateur of aging,

which affects my metabolism
and/or courtesy

unwanted side effect reaction
from one or more
of the eight medications
nurse practitioner
at Penn Psychiatric Center

Phoenixville, Pennsylvania location
Elizabeth Clark prescribes),

which gained weight foments tussle

a fight to the death, I can never win

and alternately titled: arm ugh gut tin

yours truly loathes to mensch shin
one alien looking pear shaped

humanoid with redskin

liposuction advised courtesy Doctor Quinn
(a fictional character and magician,
I took poetic license
created above to help eradicate body dysmorphia),

she waved her wand and poof

transformed me into a puffin.

Aye dread getting undressed
and/or getting washed

even without spectacles
thar haint no mo' six pack ab,

which nearly rock ribbed
mid equatorial zone shape shifted

into corpuscular blubbery

ancillary physiognomy
where aye wanna bab

bull posttraumatic stressed out

middle age battle of the bulge

in summer re: a waisted effort

squarely (er rather roundly) testing
the elasticity of extra large sweatpants,

when straining to hide expanding girth
definitely producing undesirable effect,

(especially when floating in briny deep,

I squarely, honestly and closely resemble

the Chinese brother

who swallowed the sea

strongly urging, necessitating,

and exhorting mister crab

to clamp down with pincers,
viz primitive liposuction,

whence rustling scupper

will efface this fleshed out
human bloviated ruggedly handsome

man of the webbed wide world

a bit heavy around the equator

over self indulgent fleshpot

unable, uneager, unready,

and unwilling to maneuver

his portly ill proportioned body

inducing unprovoked stares,

and tears for fears

eyes tracking billowing supersize shirt

resembling trireme sails being trimmed,

where fleshly freighted sloop

displaces entire watery expanse

stranding, stinging and starving an a ray

of underwater species,

now prolonging requisite inhalation;
I seek desperate sticktoitiveness

guidance courtesy Younan Nowzaradan

with steely mettle

hie trite to iron out flab

thus tis part and parcel of senescence,

yet auxiliary buttressed dermis

effect forming gorged girth
giving "love handles" grab

reigniting reign of terror

viz prepubescent anorexia nervosa,

boot strapped now - wen
remembrance of things past frankly
zapped distorted self-image

evoked holocaust images repugnant;
buttery rolls of fat insta jab
stubborn thoughts of self-loathing
entice me to become a lab

bore a tory guinea pig/

scapegoat role to restore

prime of life build when five foot ten
obviously me no Lemuel Gulliver
alignment could now perchance nab

first place in a slick couture magazine

from the neck down,

cuz face mottled with

nine inch nails clawing skin

wrought unsightly scab
taut torso bearing

fashion model and
senior citizen idol, where
every place I go receiving
venue offers free tab.

To stand stock still until shutterfly
would SnapChat

rippled tummy, could
fill my hungry wallet with inxs of cash

now, aye haint so gorge ass,
WhatsApp with

faux pregnant protuberance,
though thankfully

derriere still rather dash

shing, which palmolive pilot sized buttocks

doth newt offset sorry to report

lost battle of the bulge,
where diet tribes furloughed in a flash

abandoning their respective stations,

gnome hatter sinusoidal
parabolic frontispiece finds me to gnash

my toothless mouth for lack of means

to stave of the depredations

of slump pin proletariat
allowing me a hash

sheesh priceline tag

with hefty weight, acquiescing

this Pillsbury doughboy blivet

to subject himself to the sharp
stings of a cool whip lash

bearing the snap against

raw skin as due process

and supplication for atlas shrug
gin his broad shoulders
at the fountainhead naming me mash

shew Scott in regard to oblate inflation
insulation fiberglass around midsection, and

how ma late mum

(an avid fan of doctor Carleton Fredericks,
who preceded Mehmet Oz), would quash

the love she showered on this sole heir -

resorting to exhaustive palliatives -
even ear rash

shun null gambits,

and as last ditch effort

putting this offspring
on par with an albatross -
vamoose get out with the trash

unless everything (pertaining to
indelible stubborn blubber
comes out at the whoosh she wash

Diet of worms.