Self help addict needles unsuspecting reader

Expounded late today April 27^th, 2023
since being written
countless years ago
maybe a baker's dozen

as thee doodling cock doth crow
scouting about for carrion

scavenging for dead animals

and rooting about garbage to sell

at annual corvus entrepôt,

where at birds eye view

buzzfeeding crowdsource
talon (telling) the famed truth
regarding chicken scratch
scrawled illegibly by eccentric hand

now sought after collector's item
signature birdbrained, bird dogged,

bird dinned long haired,

pencil necked geek recluse
can be found in his grotto
along with original manuscripts

characterizing Mark Twain

in general and Injun Joe

in particular linkedin

with Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn,

who suffered fools gladly,

but nevertheless being a security detail
he dealt with hoodlums -

frequently tossing them out
on their golden earring
and experienced severe lumbago.

When dire circumstances extant do I ask

for anonymous benefactor
to write me a blank check
so edenic, idyllic, and pacific sunny

spring day yours truly can bask
tapping a keg of spring water

stored in an airtight cask
when thirsty, I pour into
an ice cold

(not a tad above absolute zero)

temperature controlled flask
while donned (underclothes

resembling Ally's gaiters),

and outer garments

emblematic of space suits
my favorite martian outfit

and astronaut helmet and mask

to minimize contamination

paraphernalia acquired courtesy gofundme
for assistance sans when cash strapped

since temptation to rob a bank dismissed

guru wannabe of gumption

buckles when he tackles

formidable onerous task.

Otherwise an inner compulsion
advocates dishing out non repeating

infinite decimal calculating pi
on nearing infinite jesting kron limit

can unlock esprit de corp

spirit to tackle and barrel headlong
novel circumstance silently cheering
myself to get unstuck

if in quandary like eeyore
and experience shuttered

gloating euphoria galore
for

reasons spelled out
because das saucy papa

coon sitters himself an insecure

noodle head as told me courtesy Kishore
and Kouila Raval –

unsure if surname correct,
(who approximately

forty five years ago lived at
Colony Arms Apartments

within Audubon Pennsylvania,
where yours truly felt infatuation
toward their daughter named Menal)

woven into this reasonable rhyme
as thoughts analogous

getting squeezed thru many a kernel pour

out corny and flaky as Tony the tiger
in tandem with Katy Perry

emanating a figurative roar

to even out the score,

when as a boy alias scapegoat
of bullies subsequently

pleaded for peace versus declaring war,

prepubescent and young adult of yore.

He admits being affected with Peter Pan's

jiffy (labyrinthe) syndrome

the prospect of becoming older,
I decried physical maturation
(wanted to remain being a little boy)

upon skinny legs objected to stand

when juiced a striping slip of a lad,

whether at home
or in class room
playing solitary candy land
submissive toward parental

intervention against teachers’ pet(s)
mandated got foisted upon my person
equated to more than helping hand
my lonely hearts club one young man band,
whereby me late mother

(preceded date of this poem)
before lovely bones
of then octogenarian father

punctuated mortality
with exclamation mark
when tightly coiled resembles ampersand!

Said enabling parents offtimes

completed my entire major assignments,

homework, and major class project,
say researching history of York
reinforced dependence on others

with angst riddled psychic torque
underscoring in boldface defects

mine genetically typed quirk

this then young man lacked confidence

as requisite perk

with inxs o faith no more seeds

of worthlessness did lurk

inferiority hardly groomed me

a foo fighting beastie boy
resembling creature from Black Lagoon
covered head to toe with mire and murk
antagonistic role and potential enemy

characterized by Captain Kirk;

Hence without a spock of confidence,
neither sensibility nor cents
cause gifted with noggin quite dense
consigned to bruit off fence
against meself, an outlier
never found among bad company of gents

which at presence doth incense

that middle aged male,

whence any aid pains like a lance

essentially donning out role of offence

particularly with lack of finances

where mine family rents.