Inxs of poison from iron maiden scorpion mamma and ac/dc charged aries papa

Although gainfully unemployed

(fate now finds me receiving

social security disability –

for approximately

the last baker's dozen years -
the yeast divine intercession

rose to the occasion),
I can still vividly visualize

utter despair during
early and emerging adulthood.

The following synopsis
wrought, impressed, crafted...
within mine temple mount
when yours truly
long overstayed his welcome
and wore out welcome mat
at 324 Level Road
(formerly Rural Delivery 2 -
before expanse of hundred acre wood
constituting Glen Elm tract
became vinyl city),
and lacked courage -
analogous to cowardly lion
epitomized in The Wizard of Oz
to test mettle and live independently –
abandoned said challenge
rather remained domiciled
with birth parents.

 

Indelible, permanent
and unfading abysmal

damaging domestic dynamics

got indelibly etched in deep purple
upon the memory banks
of this erstwhile individual.

 

The general gist in the form
of quick broad brush strokes
of psychologically
traumatizing recollection now follows.

 

I can attest to malevolent
mean-spirited objections
by my then father stayin' alive
(Normandy Farms retirement community
in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania)
at date of forthwith
original poetical draft

(still mourning of his wife,

i.e. mine late mother),
whose passing did nothing
to ameliorate severe emotional trauma
in regard to mine

unkempt appearance
grossly unacceptable attire,

deportment, grossly jaded mien

and erratic work ethic
to figuratively rattle

(and hum) abridged list.

Back in those inglorious bourne days,
I poorly wore the mantle and staff
of supposed maturity.

 

Lack of compliance
and obeisance with regulations
and rules of the Harris household
brewed, festered and lied dormant
during prepubescence.

 

The pressure and tension
between maternal and paternal adult
would rank as dysfunctional
way before such psycho babble
(barely audible above the babel
between me mother and father)
became je nais se quois in vogue.

 

Such venomous barrage
and fusillade spewed forth
from off parental tongues
at an exponential rate
and on a par to feeling
the stinging cudgel of a horsewhip.

 

Out of fear and timidity,

I consequently and silently

absorbed cruel treatment.

 

Neither the eldest nor youngest sibling

bore witness against the

tender spirit of their only brother.

 

A façade as of statue conveniently adopted.

 

This embodiment ill served

to fend off onslaught of incessant anger.

 

Such a defense mechanism

offered miniscule protection

as I mentally (dumbly and mutely)
dodged andforded

lobbed and rammed insults

and affected defiance

of endless threats

and hollow ultimatums.

 

No matter these bitter pills

of blaring character assassination,

denunciation, fulmination, incrimination,

and countless vociferous vocalizations,

I feigned to be stone

(temple pilot) deaf.

Such self-repression

of emotional maelstroms

only caused seething internal ire

to invite intense anxiety

and unpredictable

debilitating panic attacks,

They (mom and dad,

neither parent still alive)

became further angered

and inflamed per my total oblivious stance.

 

This reaction added insult to injury.

Deliverance per tough love lessons

amplified to the tune

of additional feats

at becoming excoriated, ranted

and raved against personal habits

and what appeared as mine

nonchalant indifference to pursue work.

 

Those involuntary, unrehearsed

and vicious family chats happened

to be replete with heavily exploding

verbal wrath and uncorked anger.

 

Dad, the nominal spokesperson

for unpleasant chest donned thumping
trumpeting exclamations emphatically swore

all manner of vulgarity and demanded

from this insolent appearing

male offspring, whose passive demeanor

intimated immediate compliance.

 

Defiance and fatigue offered him

that predictable and usual blank stare

upon hearing the kind

and lenient sentence

to pack bags and GET OUT!

 

With the dreaded approach

of dire and sealed fate,

I anxiously experienced

a dramatic increase in apocalyptic suspense.

Deadlines came and went without incident.

 

What caused especial ire and wrath

to fester pertaining

to apparent ambivalence,

indifference and nonchalance

for me to take any job -

even shoveling horse manure!

 

My maternal grandfather

supposedly never paid much heed

to regular and steady employment

despite his skill as a tailor.

 

Hence my mother and three siblings

lived in destitution and poverty.

 

Behavior of yours truly triggered

her flashbacks scores of years earlier,

when she lived in squalor,

and felt forced to seek either

part or full time income,

where household members

lacked camaraderie and integration

as a healthy family unit.

The wraith of those

ghastly imprecations

still hound with infrequent

unwanted ghostly visitations

from thy dead mother.

Anxiety and once

immobilizing panic attacks

the battle scars afflict

my psyche and interfere

with the ability to enjoy life,
liberty and pursuit of happiness

to the utmost despite reliance

on following prescription medications:

 

BUSPIRONE TAB 20 MG

CLOMIPRAMINE CAP 50 MG

CLONAZEPAM TAB 0.5 MG

FLUOXETINE CAP 20 MG

GLYCOPYRROLATE TAB 2 MG

PRAZOSIN HCL CAP 1 MG

PRAZOSIN HCL CAP 5 MG

RISPERIDONE TAB 1 MG

ROPINIROLE HCL 0.5 MG