I can’t heal

I feel like my life is like an hour glass the sand is slowly running out , as if I’m like sand slowly running out as well . My heart is cold. My mind is dark like there’s a consistent cloud, lingering over me anywhere I go anything I touch turns cold or crumbles. I try to keep my head held high but I feel like I have the world on my shoulders and I get these knots in my stomach when I try to speak I choke on my words , when I try to breathe my lungs, feel like they want to collapse . so hard to take another breath. My mind is not healing but I least I tried , I tried . I can’t change these feelings my heart can’t heal . 😞

Nights seem endless
And I can't sleep
Too much is on my mind
I wish it would shut up
Cus my brain makes me think the most horrible things
It makes me relieve the most traumatic memories
I only sleep a couple of hours
Maybe 2 or 6
Always interrupted
And I wake up
I'm tires
I drag my feet to go on with life
But nobody notices
All they see is the fake smile on my face
& maybe if they looked closely they'd see
They'd find many scars & cuts on my arms
A few on my legs
They'd know about the hidden bruises
They'd notice that when someone comes from behind
I almost hit them
Like I'm defending myself
Maybe they'd see how tires
Depressed
Anxios
Scared
& lonely I am
But nobody does