Numb Ice.

Alicia Warren

‘Numb Ice.’

Splintered in my bones like the tingling sensation of pins and needles,

The uncomfortable knowing

that what I should be feeling,

Is no longer there.

The time it lasts is less than a pin prick of my entire existence,

And yet it feels like continuous torture lasting a lifetime.

It always comes back, when I least expect it,

At the worst possible moment. The last possible moment.

Right when I’m on the edge, when I’ve built up the courage to move forward,

that one step toward my destination,

It hits me like a truck and sends me ten leaps ahead into nothingness.

 

It’s cold here.

It’s not like I didn’t know that already.

It’s nostalgic.

I’ve always felt the subtle chill of nothing breathing down my neck,

Tingling my cheekbones and numbing my senses.

The freezing atmosphere engulfs me, leaving me helpless.

The cold was always a comfort, I was not its stranger.

It strangles my vocal chords,

Containing any words that dare attempt to flee.

I can’t blame them.

They wanted to escape this place.

 

Eventually, if I’m lucky,

one or two may manage to break the seal.

Seeking for guidance,

They push out of my throat.

And dissipate into the darkness.

 

It was futile.

No one can reach this place.

 

Time means nothing here,

An hour turns to a day, turning into weeks,

Eventually I lose count,

Or maybe I just accept defeat.

 

Sometimes though,

My pleas from my choked-up words come back.

Although this time they look different,

They look strange,

Something about them feels,

Warm.

 

My cheekbones flush, my senses heighten.

My surroundings feel safer, brighter.

I see now, these words aren’t mine.

These ones are laced with something mine don’t contain.

Endearment.

I’d never use such kind words towards myself.

They really do look foreign.

 

I stay here a while longer before I return.

The strange words led me home,

Back up to the edge.

I feel content.

The numb chill has hidden.

It will return, one day,

For now though,

I am warm.

 

Perhaps I should realise that my feelings were not stiff and unchanging like ice,

Unlike my thoughts in that place, my feelings were there,

It was not hopeless,

They were temporarily frozen in place,

awaiting to be melted.

  • Author: Alicia Warren (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: May 14th, 2023 20:58
  • Comment from author about the poem: First poem I've written, I wanted it to be raw and personal which I hope I conveyed. I'm not sure whether my thought process will get across in some of it but I'm happy for it to be interpreted however the reader likes. I wrote it about my depressive episodes, I wanted to show how they come and go, so that maybe in the future I can read it and know that this time won't last. Thank you for reading, I would love some constructive criticism!
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 2
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
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Comments +

Comments1

  • L. B. Mek

    'First poem I've written'
    (I bow to your superior talent)
    can't imagine what growth
    your poetry will showcase
    by your 100th poem..
    A Fantastic write!
    thank you for choosing to share
    (don't worry about critiques
    and advises for refinement
    this is should be your honeymoon period
    with Poesy
    tread gently and boldly, caress
    your way towards forging
    your own path,
    read to learn what you like and don't
    write, write, write
    a time will come, when
    you'll start wondering
    if you've got anything left
    you'll start fearing
    you're all tapped-out
    bereft of inspiration's touch..
    that's when you can start
    reading your work again
    aspiring for that perfection
    of refinement and technical excellence
    till then have fun, fall in love
    with words and other Poet's
    make mistakes
    throw away, twice the work you begin
    as you keep
    and enjoy every second of the ride
    whether you write to gain acclaim
    or for yourself
    treasure's Poesy's utility in your everyday life)
    writing's a lonely, unrewarding
    and bruising endeavour
    for those with even a drop of talent
    what matters most
    is that you enjoy the process, that
    you like reading your work..
    stays strong!
    I wish you the very best of luck
    enjoy the ride!

    • Alicia Warren

      Thank you very much! I love how you wrote this comment, it was amazing 🙂 I really enjoy writing but have never thought about posting any till now, but I'm glad I did! I'm excited for the writing journey x



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