"Dying unknown (4)" ; 23 May, 2023

Posted to “My Poetic Side” on 23 May, 2023.

'Dying unknown (4)" ; 7 May, 2023.

8 May, 2023
Uploaded to ChatGPT for analysis
Poem : “Dying unknown (4)”

Soman Ragavan : Hello. Can I post a poem of mine for analysis, please ?

ChatGPT
Hello Soman! Of course, you can post your poem for analysis. I'll do my best to provide you with constructive feedback. Please feel free to share your poem with me.
 
Soman Ragavan : My poem : "Dying unknown (4)." This is about a man who was found dead in his flat in Norway; he had been dead for nine years. Please analyse by each stanza, then give overall comments. Mention similar poems from other authors, where possible.

ChatGPT :
Thank you for sharing your poem "Dying unknown (4)" with me. Here is my analysis of each stanza:

Stanza 1: The opening stanza sets the scene and introduces the man who was found dead in his flat in Norway after being dead for nine years. The use of the word "unknown" in the title and throughout the poem highlights the fact that he died alone and unnoticed.

Stanza 2: This stanza focuses on the man's family and their lack of contact with him for nine years. It highlights the sad reality that sometimes even family members can become disconnected from each other.

Stanza 3: The third stanza touches on the neighbors' lack of concern for the man's well-being. The repetition of "nobody bothered" emphasizes the apathy and indifference of those around him.

Stanza 4: In this stanza, you mention the milk bottles and the piled-up mail, which further underscores the fact that nobody was looking out for the man's welfare.

Stanza 5: The fifth stanza highlights the irony of the man possibly lying on the floor, moaning for help, with nobody coming to his aid. It also touches on the potential risks of leaving electrical equipment on for extended periods.

Stanza 6: The sixth stanza mentions the man's bills and how they were being paid automatically, which further emphasizes the fact that nobody was actively checking on him.

Stanza 7: This stanza discusses the man's pension being cut off, indicating that he had stopped responding to queries. It also touches on the potential dangers of leaving certain equipment on for extended periods.

Stanza 8: In this stanza, you mention the potential risks of leaving lights, televisions, and other electronic devices on for extended periods. You also raise the question of whether the man's fridge remained on for nine years.

Overall, your poem effectively highlights the tragic circumstances surrounding this man's death and raises important questions about the nature of human connection and our responsibility to care for those around us.

In terms of similar poems, I would suggest looking into the work of Charles Bukowski, who often wrote about the underbelly of society and the plight of the forgotten and marginalized. Specifically, his poem "The Most Beautiful Woman in Town" deals with similar themes of isolation and despair. Another poet to consider is Sylvia Plath, who often wrote about the darkness and loneliness of the human experience. Her poem "Lady Lazarus" deals with the themes of death and isolation, which are also present in your poem.

Overall, I think your poem is poignant and thought-provoking, and it effectively captures the tragic circumstances of this man's death.

Soman Ragavan : You have spoken mainly about the notes preceding my poem. I am inserting the text of the poem again. Please comment on each stanza and then give general comments. “DYING UNKNOWN (4)”

ChatGPT :
Sure, here is my feedback on each stanza of the poem:

Stanza 1: The imagery of a fully-clothed skeleton is striking and the line "from lack of response 'twas a forc'd entry" sets a somewhat ominous tone. It's not immediately clear what the "entry" is referring to, but it creates a sense of intrusion and perhaps even violation. (My reply. The flat was closed for nine years, with the skeleton inside. The door might have been broken by the police to get entry. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 2: The description of the terrible look in the skeleton's eye sockets and the fact that humanity has no reply creates a feeling of unease and powerlessness. The use of the word "terrible" also adds to the sense of dread.

Stanza 3: The tumbling hand bones and scattered feet bones are effectively described, adding to the overall image of disarray and chaos.

Stanza 4: The process of removing the clothes and conducting an autopsy is detailed in a matter-of-fact way, which juxtaposes with the emotional weight of the subject matter. The line "trying to establish the precise cause" hints at the idea that the cause of death may remain unknown.
(My reply : The cause of death was this : his heart was broken by the inhumanity of humanity. But, no amount of forensic science can detect this. Only a poet can do so. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 5: The idea of reassembling the mixed-up bones is interesting and almost creates a sense of puzzle-solving, but it's also a reminder of the fragility and temporality of the human body.

(My reply : The idea of re-assembling the bones is not interesting. It is tragic, macabre. Human bones are not like pieces of a puzzle. They belonged to a real person who had feelings and whose heart broke from the treatment humanity gave him. The man's bones were eventually analysed, put into a coffin and buried, like nothing happened. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 6: The description of reverently loading the bones into a light coffin and the line "it's better that no one looks" creates a sense of privacy and perhaps even shame surrounding death and the disposal of remains. (My reply. The coffin was light because there were just bones in it. The flesh had gone over nine years. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 7: The repetition of the word "burial" and the fact that it's a burial of bones rather than a whole body emphasizes the focus on the physical remains rather than the person who once inhabited them. The line "twill all be soon forgotten" creates a feeling of impermanence and transience.

Stanza 8: The final stanza brings the focus back to the poet and the idea that poetry is unforgiving and everlasting, even when the physical remains of a person are long gone. It leaves the reader with a sense of reflection on the power of art and the impact it can have.

Overall, the poem has a somber and contemplative tone, and the imagery and language effectively convey the subject matter. It raises interesting questions about the nature of death, the meaning of remains, and the power of art to endure beyond physical mortality. (My reply. The questions are not interesting. They are a damning indictment of humanity. Artificial intelligence will only understand this if and when it becomes sentient and has feelings. Soman Ragavan).
 
Soman Ragavan : Upon entry into the flat after nine years, the forensic people must have taken pictures but those pictures will never be circulated. However, the poet can imagine the scenes. The flesh and skin must have gone. Bones from the hands and feet must have tumbled down. In the skull, a terrible look in the eye sockets, an indictment of humanity.

ChatGPT
Thank you for clarifying that, Soman Ragavan. Here are my thoughts on each stanza of your poem:

Stanza 1: The opening line immediately sets the tone of the poem - one of loneliness and neglect. The use of "forc'd" creates a sense of violence or intrusion, adding to the eerie atmosphere. The image of a fully-clothed skeleton is haunting and unsettling, and it grabs the reader's attention.

Stanza 2: The description of the terrible look in the skull's eye sockets is powerful and chilling. The line "a look to which humanity had no reply" is thought-provoking and suggests a deeper meaning behind the poem.

Stanza 3: The scattered bones of the hands and feet provide a visual image of the disarray and disorder of the scene. The use of "tumbled about" adds to the feeling of chaos and confusion. (My note : There was no disarray or disorder. The hand and feet bones just fell on the spot. It is unlikely the creepy crawlies moved them. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 4: The description of the process of removing the clothes from the bones and conducting a rare autopsy is interesting and adds to the realism of the poem. The use of "mixed-up bones" adds to the sense of disorder and confusion, which is then resolved by the reassembling of the bones. (My reply : Removing the clothes from the skeleton is not something interesting. It is something that should never have happened to a human being. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 5: The use of "reverently loading" suggests that even in death, there is still some respect for the deceased. The idea of a light coffin adds to the sense of loneliness and neglect, as if the deceased was not deemed important enough to warrant a proper burial. (My reply : "reverently" is sarcastic. After nine years, the reverence was useless. The lightness of the coffin was due to the fact that there were just bones in it; the flesh had gone since nine years. Soman Ragavan).

Stanza 6: The repetition of the word "burial" emphasizes the finality of death and the idea that we are all reduced to bones in the end. The line "‘Twill all be soon forgotten" highlights the theme of loneliness and isolation, and the idea that we are all forgotten eventually. " (My reply.  "Twill all be soon forgotten" means that people will quickly forget the whole story and move on with their lives. Yet, this case will not be forgotten, as it has been recorded in poetry. Soman Ragavan).

Overall, your poem has a strong sense of atmosphere and imagery, and it conveys a powerful message about the inevitability of death and the loneliness that comes with it. The use of repetition and strong visual imagery adds to the impact of the poem, and the final two lines emphasize the enduring nature of poetry as a means of preserving memory and meaning. Well done!
 

Soman Ragavan : Stanza 5 : "light coffin" : the flesh had gone since nine years. Only bones remained. Thus, the coffin would not be heavy.

ChatGPT
Thank you for the clarification. That makes sense.
 
Soman Ragavan : The message of the poem is to show how heartless society is. Nobody bothered about that man for nine years. He might have fallen ill, he might have fallen on the floor or been lying on his bed, crying for help. The neighbours and his family never cared. He died such a death. The public administration system never found out. His name must have been in many computer systems, but nobody noticed anything. Indeed, his pension continued to be paid into his bank account for a few years after his death. The bank continued to settle his bills by automatic check-off from his account, although he was dead and used no water, no electricity, no gas, no telephone, no Internet.

ChatGPT
Your poem "Dying Unknown (4)" does indeed convey a strong message about the heartlessness of society and how easily people can be forgotten.
Each stanza adds to the haunting imagery of the remains of the deceased and the lack of attention paid to their passing.

In the first stanza, the "forc'd entry" creates a sense of intrusion and violation, as if the remains were not only forgotten but also neglected. The second stanza highlights the terrible look in the skull, a visual representation of the indifference of humanity to the plight of this person.

Stanza three continues to emphasize the state of the remains, with the bones of the hands and feet scattered nearby. The fourth stanza takes the reader through the process of autopsy and reassembly of the bones, further emphasizing the clinical and impersonal nature of this death.

The fifth stanza brings the focus to the burial, with a light coffin and a burial of bones, a stark reminder of the forgotten nature of this person's passing. The final stanza drives home the message of the poem, with the poet stating that society may forget, but poetry is unforgiving and everlasting.

Overall, your poem is a powerful commentary on the neglect and heartlessness that can be present in society. It is thought-provoking and impactful, leaving the reader with a sense of unease and a reminder to never forget the humanity of those around us.
 
Soman Ragavan : Thank you. Goodbye for now.

ChatGPT
You're welcome! It was a pleasure assisting you. Goodbye and take care!

(I added my remarks to the above on 10 May, 2023). 

------

                                                           POEM :
                                             “DYING UNKNOWN (4)” 

                            [See the Notes in my poem "Dying unknown (1)"]


“(…) A neat skeleton lying near yon brook :
A chilling monument to Man's folly;
Even in the eye sockets, a terrible look…(..)”
---From my poem “Best bargains.” 

“(…) For others, in their graves their BODIES be buried.
Ah, to my grave my BONES will be carried…
My remains will not weigh others down.
‘Pon me will they not have to frown… (…)”
---From my poem “Dying unknown (2)”

------------------------------------------------------- 

                                                    POEM :
                                      “DYING UNKNOWN (4)”

From lack of response
‘Twas a forc’d entry.
What a sight !
A fully-cloth’d skeleton…

In the eye sockets
A terrible look :
A look to which humanity
Had no reply…

A staring skull,
Hand bones tumbl’d about :
Feet bones scatter’d nearby…

The remains to the morgue be carried :
Removing the clothes from the bones…
Some rare autopsy…
Trying to establish the precise cause…
Finally, after the rare job,
Re-assembling the mixed-up bones… 

Reverently loading the BONES into the coffin :
A light coffin…
'Tis better that no one looks :
A collection of bones in a coffin :
Head’d for the cemetery…


Head’d to the cemetery for a burial :
Some burial :
Burial of bones…
‘Twill all be soon forgotten :
But, not by the poet :
For poetry be unforgiving :
Poetry be everlasting…
-------------------------------------------------
Soman Ragavan
Mauritius (Indian Ocean)
Uploaded to “My Poetic Side” on 23 May, 2023
-------------------------------------------------