On Endings

a sudden ending.

it’s like speaking two languages and forgetting your name in both.

like rolling over and feeling the cold of the unused side of the bed.

like knowing you’re losing a bet but you keep raising the stakes.

i thought i resented endings.

thought i deserved a forever story.

a glorious tale of strength and overcoming adversity.

i dreamt of knowing what eternity felt like.

yearned to taste the freedom of being infinite. i was young. i was brave. i was strong.

nothing could touch me when i was above the clouds and no, i would not come down.

my wax wings stayed strapped to my back and the curve of the smile plastered onto the face of icarus reminded me of the crescent moon.

gorgeous and loving.

and we soared. the absolution from the ground long behind us. content with being youthfully felt for the first time in years. too close to be lovers, but two halves to a whole all the same. eternity was within reach, look! it’s there! we stretch our arms and-

the sun scorches my skin as the scream rips from my throat- don’t let him fall please. let him soar. take me instead.

the gods do not listen. apollo, does not listen.

he stole him from me. he kissed his waxy wings with sun soaked lips and let them melt away, until the frothy depths swallowed the one who taught me to live. the dreamer that i deigned to call family. and i am angry.

the days turned to weeks, i do not fly. the months transformed to years, the wings still stay on my back, hopeful that i might spot icarus as a shadow across the sun. i’ve since lost my voice from screaming. i never searched for it again. no one was around to hear my stories.

only once do i see icarus again. now i do not hate apollo; i blame the bitterly jealous winds. icarus has since been gifted new wings; he soars as close to the sun as he likes without worry, and when his feet need something solid, apollo holds him.

i wouldn’t have been able to provide him that solace. i never desired stability. but icarus yearned for it. to break from his chains and fly into a kinder world.

i couldn’t fly with him again anyway, so i do not call out when i see him.

icarus never wanted forever. he just wanted to be free.

i wanted forever. to be known.

it’s interesting and almost melancholic, the way it ended. icarus has been burnt into legend, finally free and flying with the sun to guide him.

i got my forever. i wish that i hadn’t asked for it so blindly. i can no longer fly, my wings are made of stone. i can no longer speak, vocal chords damaged from my anger all those years ago.

i am infinitely bound to the earth. the stability i lacked finally catching up to me. not chained but imprisoned all the same. i suppose it doesn’t matter. i have all the time in the world, and no time to be bitter. no time to resent my ending.

nobody visits the statues of the forgotten gods anyway.