Kdramas

I kind of missed the kdramas

Of course, they’re not real and things like that never happen

But I still yearn for my little kdrama moment

It’s just that all those movies make you feel love

And yeah, most of the times it is cringe

But there’s a reason that they’re so popular with people of my age

We desire love

We desire feeling love

We desire being loved

These dramas make us feel that kind of way

I don’t know how, but somehow, they do

Kdramas seem so pink, so flowery, so beautiful

Then I switch back to my own real life

all I see is pain, misery, a feeling that I cannot describe

It’s like you can't live with it

You can't be close to it

You just want to go away

As far as you can

You would do anything to make it stop

Even if that means to die

I think love would make that feeling go away

I’m not sure though

Because I’ve never experienced real love

Except for maybe one time when I had feelings for a guy at my workplace

After I found out he quit his job, I was miserable

I kept crying nonstop for three whole days

I was miserable for months

Anyways, it was unrequited love

I think…

So, it definitely did not make that horrible feeling go away

But if I look at my personal life

And I search for people that are maybe capable of loving me

Just a little bit

I get disgusted

I don’t know why

I don’t want to feel that way

But I do.

It’s like I can only like or love people that don’t love me

It’s strange

I don’t want to feel that way

But I do.

And I can’t do shit about it.