Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear end;
perhaps ye heard or felt

the ground beneath your feet tremble;
the missus didst not stir in her sleep
yesterday (May 29^th, 2023)

when my troubles

seemed so far away.

Jog me memory I did
with a little help figuratively
nabbed, pilfering, ransacking, et cetera
compilation of previously written poems
which involved scrolling thru
screen after screen of feeble attempts
to craft some stellar literary creation.

 

Worm I going with this line?

Just by a fluke,
I came across a scenario
where humorous embellishment
will (clear as water) diminish credence,
but slight fabrication will help revival
encompassing an outing with then girlfriend,
who eventually became the missus.

 

Upon the first date (mucho decades ago)
not quite two score

and three and a half years ago

with the gal, whose troth
aye did pledge allegiance to wed
(anniversary inching itsy bitsy
spider like up to
seven and twenty earth orbitz),

we agreed to dine

at an avante garde Tex-Mex eatery

 

in North Wales, Pennsylvania,

where angels feared to tread

carefully scrutinizing bon appétit

the menu selection,

a touch of Latin lick QED

all American version sans

south of the border cuisine –

Quod Erat Demonstrandum –

translations spit out

in rapid fire Hispanic

 

by a beady eyed

pierced and inked kid named Ned,

whose couture favored a punkish style

with spiky gelled green hair,

piercings galore and necklace

with a genetically modified

sizable entombed glassy pricey jewelry

encased insect in amber lead,

which beastly fully intact organism

with a miniature grizzly bear like head

momentarily hypnotizing me

 

pray tell, yours truly nudged himself

out of trance sans this egghead

who made a selection

by randomly landing finger

on an item feigning to be well bred

unbeknownst choice promised

concussive radioactive fallout

squelched with utmost difficulty

nearly impossible mission
to avoid loosing buttuck blast

 

if belched out the posterior;
fart would have catapulted,
delivered fatalistic deafening roar
wreaking havoc to life and limb
costing countless lives

regarding innocent restaurant patrons,

whose arbitrary choice

to partake of their repast

at aforementioned homey
unnamed restaurant analogous

ending with tragicomic farce.

 

After this Señor ingested

an ample number of mouthfuls

of beans and rice

that quelled most severe hunger pangs

mine lower gastrointestinal tract,

felt a bubbling and gurgling sensation

played through impropriety struggled

with gaseous mounting perturbations,

what promised to be hot malodorous,

would induce an air raid

 

from this “wind bag,”

(whose puckered, preserved, pickled, et cetera

and stinky namesake

occupies a place

at the Mutter Museum,

whose saving grace erroneously divine),

when wallet of suede discover herd

visa vis tubby devoid of cash,

thus convenient excuse to beat

the tirade of volcanic eruption

on the cusp of belching forth

found me bolting out the restaurant door

fortunately not waylaid

 

and madly dashing

(like some fiery comet dancer)

performing a cheeky number

hopping on one foot than the other –

since forceful blast triggered kidneys

to be tapped, thus prancer two step

extemporaneously incorporated

while awaiting available ATM

only to espy debit printout slip

inadequate funds available

zero balance in checking account.

 

While expulsion of noxious fumes

from thine sphincter courtesy

brought relief as aye nonchalantly

prior to strolling inside cozy diner,

and slipped into me seat disinclined

to relate eave vents to future spouse,

the bodily aeration and stream of urine
(freed to water secluded copse)

from me magic flute which,

amazingly synchronized

with the Maximus glute

after consuming food

triggered tushy to toot.

Nevertheless, shortfall of legal tender
unfortunately and subsequently found
yours truly shackled,

impressed, forced, et cetera

as dishwashing galley slave

dashed mine coveted
bowed need for highstrung Cupid

annihilating, detonating,
hexing, et cetera

opportunistic spell

to don and trumpet myself

as artful dashing romancer.