Hiccups

An involuntary spasm

of the diaphragm

and respiratory organs,

with a sudden closure

of the glottis

and a characteristic

sound like that of a cough.

Rather mundane topic

lest one cursed

with said minor inconvenience

that subsequently manifests

into protracted health crisis.

I write much hiccup ado

about nothing, which

involuntary explosive release
comes clear out of the hiccup blue

nary a sponge bob

square pants handy dandy blues clue,

where in tarnation

this uncontrollable bout
jarring the Jimmy Neutron body

electric all's well

that ends well hiccup do.

Why such physiological

spasmodic trembling

undulating weird phenomena
uncontrollable peculiar singultus kickstarts,

where one of many

extreme measures now suggested

such as ramming cloven hoofs

down the gullet wool shear
lee be in vain
to bring closure of glottis hiccups ewe

you wool sheepishly

moost likely find annoying
as this hiccupping buck feels few

breaths short of taking

another potential drastic action…
like hiccup swallowing glue

as an extreme solution
wide whirled, webbed series
of being held hostage

resorting to asking Horton hears a Who

to stomp his elephant legs
(also known as hottentot bread)

atop thee abdominal chest
(me not ribbing ye dear reader)

despite impossible mission

to escape, thus truncating mein kampf
and additional fail safe measure

being trundled to an igloo

serving as ice cold emergency room

of a mockup hospital or calling

on the ghost of the late veterinarian

James Herriot to scare doggone
such hiccup caterwauling

catering to gentile

or skeletal anorexic

hunger artist appropriately named Jew

Lean, thus, time and again

when said hiccup affliction
holds me hiccup hostage

ye dear stranger knew

seeking cure twill drive me towards

considering additional outrageous

acts of desperation
such as sticking ma head in the loo,
which bizarre reaction

on par with holding
out an appetite

until famished for moo

goo guy pan mixed

with delicious bowl of new

dulls steeped in broth,

an island delicacy renown on Oahu

even this atheist would ask

for salivation praying in a pew,

whereby sound of silence

echoed by hiccup right on queue

when nary a burble

until reaching amen hiccup rue

stubbornly persists,

no matter resorting

to consider extreme unction measures

at suppressing explosive strew

wing upsurge of diaphragm,

accursed diabolical solution

holding breath until

turning blue in the face

simultaneously forcing air thru

alternative orifices such as:

nasal passage and/or mouth, ears

or out derrière as last ditch effort.

Oft times physiological phenomena

faintly resembles bobbing up and down

analogous to the celebrated

jumping frog of Calaveras County

seriousness one best not undervalue

with a snort

lest ye surpass one poor soul
when an accident

on June 13, 1922,

Charles Osborne

(experienced 20 to 40

involuntary diaphragm

spasms per minute)

hiccupped nonstop,

which condition persisted

for more than six decades,

only ending in 1990,

a full 68 years after it began.

Osborne's plight remains

the longest attack

of hiccups confirmed

by Guinness World Records

invariably accompanied

no doubt by a voodoo

Practitioner…until…at last whew

hiccups stopped mysteriously

as they started

bringing relief
to him who analogously felt like
caged primate in a zoo.