I'm Happy To See That You're Okay

I'm Happy To See That You're Okay

I'm glad to see that you're doing okay,

While I'm falling apart more and more everyday.

In my mind, I was able to convince myself that I hate you,

But my heart is there everyday to remind me that that is something that I could never do.

I check that message everyday to see if you have looked at it yet,

But there is a truth in that message that I don't think I will ever get.

That it has been almost a month, and if you wanted to look at it, you would've by now,

But I think it is time for you to take the spotlight and give your final bow.

Because you were so convincing and your performance was amazing, because you had me convinced that you actually cared,

And I thought I actually meant something to you because of all the conversations that we had and all of the memories that we shared.

But now I have to sit here, and somehow find a way to let the past four years go,

But it is becoming more and more difficult to keep putting on a show.

And I think about you all of the time, and you are always on my mind,

Because I still dream of you one day being mine.

I am realizing that not only will we ever be something romantically, but you never even wanted to be my friend,

And I always thought that it would be me and you in the end.

The worst part of it all, is that I will never have any of the answers that I know I deserve,

But I have accepted the fact that you really do have some nerve.

I put you on a pedestal because I thought you were different and I thought you were genuine,

But all I got out of this was that I am falling apart while you are perfectly fine.

And that it was my stupidity for loving you so hard from the start,

Because all you did was break my heart.

This has happened to many times before, that you would think I would be used to it,

But it gets to me more and more every time, and I am at the point where I want to quit.

I have accepted the fact that maybe love is something that I will never get to know,

Because every time I develop feelings for someone, all they end up doing is getting up and go.

And I hate to admit it, but I hate who I am because of all of you,

And I have accepted the fact that I will never be good enough, no matter what I do.

This has happened before, but every time it hurts more and more,

And I can't do it anymore, because I don't even know what I'm fighting for.

You hurt the most, because that is four years of my life down the drain,

And as much as I want there to be sunshine in my life, all there is lately are days full of rain.

The worst part of all of this is that I know I will always love you,

And I am trying to hard to forget, but there is nothing else that I can do.

Because you can't move on from someone you dreamed of a future with,

Because I had so much love for you, but the love I thought you had for me was all just a myth.

And I want to get you out of my head, but everything reminds me of what we could have been,

And I will never be able to forget all of the hugs you gave me, and the butterflies I would get when you would touch my skin.

I put on a smile every day, but I break down every night,

Still wondering why I couldn't get this one thing right.

I know it would have been so different if I could,

But I really thought that it would be good.

So all I can do is keep convincing myself that I hate you,

But you and I  both know that I will always love you.