My regular hellhole

Lying on a placid sea 
Lying to myself
That I have become a better sailor
Without any help
On my own but are the odds in my favor?
As I realize, it’s not water on what I sail
‘Twas thin ice, waiting for a crack
And there it was, I fail
Into the cold waters
The more I swim for the surface
Deeper I dive into that maze
What is this illusion, how do I escape
But wait, has it happened before 
Yes, I’ve been through it all
This is my regular hellhole.