You professed love and care for me,
Said by my side you'd always be.
You brought me to your magical domain,
Where every castle was built on your lies terrain.
You claimed I was the queen divine,
On a throne painted with deceptive design.
Trusting your guidance, I walked the way,
To a chamber of sorrow, day by day.
You promised freedom, letting me be me,
But your actions demanded someone you wished to see,
You made me reign in your kingdom of lies,
Slowly poisoning my senses with your sweet guise.
I always sensed something amiss in this space,
Yet I trusted you more than my own memory trace,
I won't call myself naive or blind,
Cause love's illusions can cloud any mind.
Your betrayal, a game I failed to see,
Until I stopped loving, just like you, eventually.
Breaking the invisible chains was no easy task,
As I was trapped in a web of treacherous acts.
You may have won me for a momentary frame,
yet lost me in your deceitful game,
But in this life, it's you who's left with shame.
-
Author:
Serene (
Offline) - Published: June 22nd, 2023 11:45
- Category: Love
- Views: 14
Offline)
Comments4
Excellent rhyme serene
Great content
The last verse finished it of perfectly
Thank you so much! Means a lot ❤️
love the empowering message
and so very true, their loss
they fell for our yesterday, self
when tomorrow we'll be
getting another personal best
under our undefeated belt..
thanks for sharing, dear poet
'stay' strong!
This poem lacks originality and relies heavily on clichéd language and imagery. The rhymes feel forced and predictable, diminishing the impact of the emotions being expressed. The metaphors used are overused and don't add any fresh perspective to the theme of betrayal and deceit in love. The overall tone is melodramatic and lacks subtlety.
To improve this poem, the writer should focus on developing more unique and evocative language. They should strive for original metaphors and similes that can convey the emotions in a fresh and powerful way. They should also consider experimenting with different rhyme schemes or abandoning strict rhyming altogether to create a more organic and natural flow to the poem. Additionally, the writer could benefit from exploring different poetic forms or structures to add depth and complexity to the composition.
While very clear, this reads with a determination and strength, as evident in the words of the speaker. Very well written
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.