Dark Paradise

I keep asking myself why?

Why Basil? 

Why can't you be normal?

Why cant you love like others?

Why can't you laugh like others?

Why can't you smile like others?

        Why can't you be free like others? 

Why cant you care like others?

Why can't you be normal?

But as expected,

No answer

It all used to matter; a million questions

Why can't I be her?

Why can't I lead?

Why can't I have that?

Why can't I do this?

I had a lot of wants:

I want friends too

I want a boyfriend too

I want to write a letter too

I want to go out too

I want to laugh too

I want to love too

All my worries went away with the wind

I too had found it but then...

I trusted too much

I laughed too much

I smiled too much

I wanted too much

Desire topped by greed became a driving force

But then it got crumbled down by humanity

At a certain point it all doesn't matter anymore

All I want is to be in my little paradise

Its dark but there is a light

Its cold but also cosy

Its lonely but bearable

Why do I keep going back to my dark Paradise?

Why?

Its because no one can hurt me there

I can be my own hero

I can be my own happiness

I can be my own pillar

I can be my own friend

I'm my end and my beginning

You'll ask

I'll say its fine

But really.... Is it?